Told not to work :(

[SenseofEntitlement]

So, my mental nurse came round and saw me printing off CVs - I was hoping to get a part time job, working in a shop or something. She told me not to :(

I'm just so frustrated - I feel ok most of the time, and I am sure a lot of the problems I have atm are down to the twin evils of being bored and of having the label of "too ill to work". She suggested I do some voluntary work, so I have applied for volunteering in a charity bookshop. I don't see how that is better than paid work for my mental health though. She did try to get me to go through a volunteer scheme thing, but I like the bookshop.

She even said that, being in the support group of ESA, I can do a small amount of work without losing benefit, so I think I should. I suppose she knows best.

She says it is ok to do the bits of writing work I have been doing, and to do my studying and my blog, and to look after the kids with support in place, so I don't see what a shop job has that they don't, apart from going out of the house and meeting people, which I thought was meant to be a good thing anyway.

Dunno why I am posting. Just really...meh.

I bet I end up getting in trouble benefits wise too - if I am sane enough to volunteer, study and look after the kids, then surely I can work? I would have to have a lot of time off and no stress, but I bet I could find something.

I'm amazed that she would tell you that! But volunteering would be a gentle way back into working if you've been off a while. Maybe find out exactly how much you can do before it affecting your benefit.

She said it in a nice way, and DH backed her up.

I'm just so frustrated. I can't just sit around, and whenever I ask what I can do to get better, I just get vague mumblings about taking things slowly. I even went to hospital on the understanding that I could get properly better and nothing happened. Whenever I try to do anything I get told off in case it makes me manic. ARGH!

You're not wrong about the benefits. If you mentioned doing volunteering at an ESA review - they have them even if you're in the support group - then it would be seen as evidence that you were fit for work - you would need to provide a lot of evidence to the contrary from your health care professionals.

See www.benefitsandwork.co.uk for good info, well worth joining for anyone facing the maze of sickness benefits, whether physical or mental.

Do you have known triggers for mania?

Is your spouse working?

Perhaps people want you to build up slowly. You don't have to take on the whole world in one go. Slowly but surely.

Yeah, DH is working, but only part time - he had to be part time when I was ill, and of course full time jobs don't grow on trees. He does do overtime though, although even full time at minimum wage isn't enough to support a family of four.

My main triggers for mania are tiredness and pushing myself too much. Weirdly, success seems to be a trigger. If I do really well at something, I'm high as a kite, and sometimes I get hugely manic.

Just to say, leaving aside the threat to benefits for a mo, volunteering is good because if you are not well enough to do it one week, you can just tell them. Whereas with a job, there is a whole lot of pressure to do it when you aren't really up to it, should that happen, and then these days there are usually limits to how much sick can be taken. It's a minefield.

I have worked for a total of 10 years in paid work, most of that I was depressed. Will be drawing my pension soon. After last job made me ill again, I decided to call it a day if I can.

I do get what you mean about the success. It can put you up another level, and before you know where you are...

All good wishes. x