Feel so so so low

[wakeupnow]

Hi - long story really, been on & off ad's for past 10 years, at the moment on citalopram. BUT things seem to be getting worse, I view life as a hard chore that has to be hacked through before I can hide in bed again at the end of the day. I am also hiding in the solace of alcohol too. It's hard to be objective about the true cause behind this - my year has been shite so far. In Feb I had an accident & received severe burns to my neck. In April my DH was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. In Sept we were burgled. I have 3 girls 5, 8 & 11 who are lovely & a fab DH who has accpeted & fought his cancer so well. Things not so great with my dad though, in the past 10 years he's had 3 severe bouts of chronic depression ending up with ect. he's currently in his 4th bout so I have to cope with supporting him & my mum as well. Am so worried it's genetic & that I'm treading the same path as him. I have an appointment to see my gp next week but am so worried about my future, every second is painful to get through

Oh you poor love - you have been through so much this past year. It would be enough to make anyone feel low, or even to "go under" completely. You must be running on some sort of "reserve tank" now. I know exactly what you mean about seeing the days as a hard chore to be hacked through before hiding back in bed. When I have been in this phase I would call it climbing through the day and finding everything an enormous struggle. I won't go into my story but let's say severe depression and anxiety are no strangers to me and have had 2 major episodes, ending in 3 months inpatient care on both occasions.

You are struggling with so much, whereas I am retired and my kids all grown and have families of their own. I know it sounds easy to say but it seems to me that you really must let something go, as you are overwhelmed I would think. Do you have sibs who might be able to support your parents, to lift a bit of the load off you.

Try not to catastrophise about your future (good coming from me as I do that all the time!) it sounds like there is good reason for your depression. Do hope you can get some real help - possible change in ADs?

I'm sure you don't need me to say that self medicating with alcohol is not the route to take...............sending warm wishes.....NN

Thanku so much for your lovely reply NN, I really don't know where I am at the moment but your reply really helped. I know it's selfish of me to say but I'm glad it's not just 'me' who has to go through these feelings. I know alcohol is not the solution but it does help short term.

Not selfish at all Wakeupnow, the realisation that others have been suffering in the same sort of way, has got me through many a dark hour over the past 2 years. I think whatever we are going through it is re-assuring to know that others are too - makes us feel less odd about ourselves. Take care and keep posting, as I have found many really helpful women on this MH thread.

Let us know how the GP appt goes and sleep well.....NN x

It sounds like you're running on empty. That's a hell of a tough year you've had (sorry I know I don't need to tell you that ). To "Feel so so so low" seems a reasonable response to it all and yet you seem to have coped admirably. Have you had much counselling support to process it all? Might be worth asking your gp. Oh and I don't mean to lecture but speaking from experience alcohol only helps very, very short term. It's actually probably fuelling your depression so do try really hard to cut back. I hope your appt goes ok.

How are things "wakeupnow" - I know you have a GP appt this week but have been thinking about you and wondering if you feel a teeny bit better.