I dont want to do this any more :(

[destinyorfate]

I know I am being self indulgent but I feel so lonely, it just hurts so much. Nobody, nobody cares about me. I dont want to live like this. Every day I wake up and I feel so bad.

I am stuck in an abusive relationship and my GP's have been wonderful but even so, whatever happens, I am always going to be on my own. I feel so worthless. I cant believe it will ever get better and I dont see the point of suffering any more. I have felt like this for years, its never going to change.

How do you cope with this much emotional pain? I dont want to go on any more.

It would be a start to get out of the relationship. Why do you say you're stuck in it?
I'm really sorry you're feeling so awful.

So sorry to hear how you are suffering. Firstly...do you have any support around you who you can talk to? If you are so unhappy in your relationship...you need to get out of it. What do you mean by stuck?? There are ways & support out there for you. Have you spoken to your doctor....they may be able to give you advice...counselling etc. so sorry to hear of this difficult time for you.

Destiny- I'm not in a fab place myself but I wanted you to know we're here and to hold your hand. So sorry you feel so alone.

my doctors are really lovely. I wanted AD's but I am not depressed, just desperately unhappy, so they rightly didnt want to give me any. I am waiting for CBT but I used to be a very positive person. It is just all too complicated... my OH has made the house unsellable, I am in massive debt, I spend so much time all alone. I have been in an abusive relationship for a lot of years, if it wasnt for MN I wouldnt have accepted that as fact.

oh I am sorry. I know I am just feeling sorry for myself.

I wake up in the night and I feel, well, so bad I wish I would never wake up again. I have 2 children, they are young adults but living here in this atmosphere is messing with them too. WA offered me a refuge but I dont want to leave them.

You know I just wish that they would invent a pain killer for emotional pain! I guess AD's do that. I think I will insist on getting some.

You are kind to answer me. I know I am the only one who can get myself out of this situation I just dont have the strength or the courage at the moment.

Let us give you the strength & the courage. You won't be alone.

I spend every single evening in my bedroom on my own. I dont have a tv, thank goodness for the internet. Just sometimes, it is too much.

Even so, I would rather be here, suffering this loneliness than be with my so called 'D'H!

I feel better now. Thank you. I just needed to offload. My daughter is so good but it does upset her to see me like this so, I try to control myself but it has to come out sometimes.

I just dont want to be on my own. I am an affectionate loving, giving person, I wish I had someone to love me, care for me, but I doubt that will ever happen. I guess I need to accept that and just find a way to get on with my life, all by myself! I suppose things could be worse? couldnt they?

Yes it could be..but you have your wonderful children who you will always have...who will always love you.

You say you 'spend so much time all alone'. Is there a local group that you could join or somewhere local you could volunteer. I used to feel very lonely and my GP suggested voluntary work. At first I was very skeptical that it could help or even that they would take me due to my disabilities. I found a local charity shop was very willing to take me on and made me feel at home. I have been there for nearly 2 years and have made some very good friends.

I have been where you are OP. I don't want to go into detail as it may out me but if you want to feel free to pm me.

Not sure I have too much sage advice but you do sound depressed to me and AD could potentially help. I have been in v dark places in the past and they helped.

Classic sign of depression is that you believe no-one cares when actually many do.

Cliched I know but take it one step at a time. Get your head sorted, then perhaps go to Citizens Advice to see what steps you can take re debt and house.

There will be a way out, but you'll need to find the strength from within to find it. Hard, but not impossible and definitely worth it.

Hang in there and fight. xx

hhmmm :) I was hoping to go out tonight. I wanted to go to the local spiritualist church but I have no one to go with. My daughter has promised for 3 weeks to go with me but again, she has let me down. I dont really blame her, she has her own life, her own friends. I was kind of hoping I could go a couple of times with her and then have the courage to go along on my own.

My son, has learned a lot of behaviour from his dad, so our relationship is a bit strained. I want them to have their own lives, I really dont want them worrying about me.

I am lucky I do have one friend that I have recently made through work but she has her own family. It is just the evenings and the nights. I really dont want to be alone. :(

thanks though, I really appreciate your responses.

ahh PP I just wish I could get angry! I am a total pushover :) Always see everybody elses point of view. As for 'many', I dont have that many people in my life that are close. My parents are dead now. I am not close to other members of my family, who are few. That is the problem, in that big wide world out there, I might just as well not exist!

But I am feeling better thanks. I suppose I do so much for everybody else I was feeling so let down tonight. I couldnt insist my daughter come with me, and I know she is feeling bad, bless her.

Well, it is early but I am going to bed. I dont sleep too well and I am tired. But at least I have stopped crying. Thanks.

I have pm'ed you destiny

Oh hon, glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. x