Signed off from work

[mildertduck]

I posted a similar thing in employment issues:

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and came off my SSRIs at the start of the pregnancy. Bad bad, very bad idea and I'm back on them now, as of last week (unfortunately, they take a couple of weeks to kick in). But I've been really poorly with hyperemesis and general stress/depression/anxiety and have been messing up left right and centre. My GP has signed me off for a week and I have to go back to see them next week.

But I am terrified of what happens now. I'm so behind on lots of things and have been too frightened to tell my line manager about it for fear of getting in trouble. Now it's all going to come out and people are going to find out what a crap job I've been doing. I feel like once I go back I'll be in more trouble than I started off in and that it would be easier to struggle on and try to manage. It feels like when I start back there'll be a witchhunt out for my blood.

Please help - I am going out of my mind here with panic. I feel like I'm back in the horrible place I was at the start of the year when I began my medication and had counselling and I don't want to be in that place or to be that person.

Someone please, please help me. I just want to make this all go away.

Mildertduck - sorry to hear you are in such a bad way
I know what you mean about the panic about work, and the feeling that taking time off will just make things worse.... I am also very bad with depression and anxiety at the moment. I really dont want to take time off as I know when I go back there will just be more to catch up on, plus lots of explaining to do that I just cant face. Today however I am just feeling SO bad that I couldnt go to work so have rung in sick I am contemplating asking GP to sign me off for a bit, but not sure....
I think though that really it is sensible to acknowledge that you are ill. You are entitled to time off work, and you eed to prioritise getting well. Being Pg as well must make it harder - I have been depressed in some of my pregnancies and it was horrible.
Maybe you could contact your ocuaptional health dept and make an app then explain your illness and your worries to them? I think normally they are quite good at dealing with depression/stress related illness and should be able to give you some support to deal with whatever happens at work.
I know it is easiuer said then a done (I am not following my own advice here!) but you really need to prioritise getting well, and sometimes you just cant keep battling on and you need to take a break.
Hope your meds kick in soon and you are soon feeling a bit more able to cope.Hang in there - it will pass.

I've phoned my old counsellor to start up sessions again.

I don't want to be here anymore. The world would be far better off without me.

Hey it wouldn't. Sorry you're feeling so awful:( You need to talk to someone about how you're feeling. When you start back on ADs you can feel worse at the beginning. Can you phone your local crisis team and talk to them?