sensitive topic, re childhood

[queenoffairies]

re childhood abuse.

I know I have posted about this difficulty in the past, but I cant seem to find what I am looking for, so am hoping that someone will be able to point me in the right direction.

So, as an adult survivor of childhood abuse, I have really struggled with accepting what is appropriate and inapproriate regarding my daughters, as everytime someone even wants to give them a hug, I want to scream at them "stop touching my child". Even the most simple of touches seems sexual in my screwed up head

I think I have come to terms with the fact that this is to do with my past, but am trying to find some information on this online, to pass on to a lovely friend who is trying to support me. I cant really explain to her why I feel the way that I do, and that it is nothing that she/anyone has done, but that it is such a massive thing for me to try and not have a panic attack over.

I am in the middle of an anxiety attack over posting this, so I apologise if my post is all muddled up

I couldn't leave this unaswered, but have nothing particuarly helpful to say :(
I cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for you, but you do not have a "screwed up head".
Some amazing MNers will be along soon who have words of advice. There are plenty of people here who can help you :)

So sorry to hear of your suffering.
Have you ever sought counselling...CBT?
This may be beneficial for you to deal with past issues that have (through no fault of your own) now followed you as you raise your own children.

thanks for replying

I have tried CBT before, but was too scared of remembering things I didnt know how to deal with But, I am now being confronted with it all the time, so have requested some counselling, which is due to start in the new year.

I guess what I am trying to find is someway of showing her what I cant quite manage to say - point her to an article or something Then maybe there will be some info there that will keep my going to my counselling.