Oh Misty - how long has this been going on. I am no medic but it sounds to me like you have depression (which is a just as real as any physical ailment). I have been struggling to fully recover from a major episode of depression since last Easter - the ADs have helped me enormously but I still get bouts of depressed days every few weeks. Only people who have experienced this horrid illness can understand it. My DP tries but he doesn't really understand and I can see why - I didn't understand it until it happened to me.
You are talking about wanting to be left alone (especially by small children wanting this that and the other) and that is exactly what we want to do when depressed - withdraw from everything and stay under the duvet. I am very fortunate that my kids are all grown and I realy really think it must be so hard for you young mums to have to battle this horrid illness with young children to care for.
OK so you acknowledge that you need to see a GP and that is exactly what you must do. So tomorrow morning, pick up the phone and make an appt, with a decent GP if you have one at your practice. Someone has suggested writing down you symptoms in bullet points which is a god idea, so tonight you can do that (I know I'm being bossy) but when we are depressed we have no motivation to do anything.
- Wanting to withdraw - be left alone
- Can't cope very well with the children ( and NO they will not think of taking your children into care, as so many young mums on here seem to think)
- Feel constantly sad
- Always on the verge of tears
- Can't engage with others - feel disconnected
- Feelings of anger and frustration
- Tiredness and numbness
And anything else that comes to mind. Why do you think you won't be take seriously. 1 in 4 people will suffer from depression at some point in their lives and 6 people suffer at any one time. You will not be telling the GP anything he/she hasn't heard dozens and dozens of time before.
When I finally went to my GP I just burst into tears, and told her how I felt and she understood right away (passed me a tissue!) People experience different symptoms when depressed but I can tell you that your symptoms are shouting loud and clear that you are depressed. I think you will find ADs help you a lot - only they take 2 - 4 weeks to kick-in and sometimes you have to try a couple before you get the one that suits you, because they act differently on different people. To be honest I think you need something to get you up off the floor (so to speak) before you start thinking of counselling. On the NHS you are usually offered CBT for 6 weeks and there is usually a waiting list. However it's not impossible to see a counsellor on the NHS (I am seeing a clinical psychologist on the NHS) In time you may need to look under the surface of your life at your childhood issues, but this is not the time. It's like having a broken leg, you can't try to walk until the bone has healed and the cast is off IFYSWIM
I don't think it's much good trying to get your DH to understand to be honest though it would help so much if he could support you. When you have seen the GP and been diagnosed, can you talk to him about the depression and how it is affecting you but you are hoping the meds will help you. Ask him to be patient for a while and give more hugs. I think when we are depressed we return to an almost child like state and want someone to look after us not having to look after anyone else.
Think I've said enough, but please please get to your GP asap and don't worry about the 10 mins - you could book a double slot as has been suggested, but many GPs got to 15/20 mins if necessary.
Do you know what has triggered this depression by the way?
Please let us know how you get on and post again as there is lots of support, especially for young mums like yourself. There will be brighter times ahead but you won't be able to believe that now.
Sending you good wishes and be kind to yourself - you deserve it.