PND anyone else unreasonable or am I going mad..??

[SHHHHsantaiscoming]

I will try and keep this short...

I have got PND and have been prescribed Citalopram,started to take course but stopped because of side affects..plucking up the courage to start them again tomorrow...

Anyway dd is 7 months old and I'm a sahm. After 4 yrs of trying for dd and after 2 mc we finally got our gift of a gorgeous baby girl.The issue though is the fact that I don't ever want to let dd out of my or dh sight. Both grandparents keep asking about having her alone for a few hours or overnight and everytime we mention our friends etc they "remind" us that we can always leave dd with them.! This is now getting annoying as I don't see me ever leaving dd alone. I keep thinking..well once she is a year then we will do it but I feel as though I'm under pressure and I have a "date to work towards" which makes me anxious....Does anyone else feel like this..?
I also feel that if dd gets close to the gp's she will love them more than she loves me..

Also since dd has been born we have seen both sets of grandparents at least once a week, sometime 2or3 time. Each time it's usually for around 1-2hours. I feel as though I am living everyone elses life and feel that if we don't visit dd grandparents's one weekend that they think we are being unfair. Its as though if we can't make a sat or sun we then have to compensate for it later in the week...I have to run my life around the fact that we have to see both gp's each week.
Dh doesn't get in from work until around 7pm weekdays as although it may sounds selfish I want to spend the evenings with him & dd as a family.I hate the fact that weekends seem to be orientated around gp's...I want to be able to go shopping or out/away for the weekend without worrying about visits etc.

It's been suggested that if we leave dd with gp's on an occasion then it may get them off our back for a while but I think the more we give the more they want.

Any I going mad..??? I am nasty..?? Could this all be due to the mc we suffered and fear of things happening to our dd..?? Is this due to pnd.??

Please help as this is really getting me down .

I think there's two sets of issues here:-

1)the being unwilling to leave DD at all issue (which I suspect may be partly connected to the PND) - I say that because you sound as if you have low self-esteem in worrying that your DD won't love you as much as the GPs.

2)the lack of space/time with DH issue.

I think that you sound perfectly reasonable in wanting more space to yourself. Is there no way that DH could come home earlier, or does he have a bit of a commute? Are the gps aware of your PND? Just thinking that if they were, you could use that to help them understand you need more space/more weekends to yourself. I think the easier one to work on is limiting visits - having weekends that are just you and your little family.

Hello .

I don't think you're going mad or nasty. We tried for 4 years also before having dd & I did have (thankfully fairly mild) PND. I felt unbelievably anxious about DD all the time - could barely let her out of my sight. I also felt very resentful of people wanting a piece of her all the time especially my in-laws.

The good news is that it has got better with time, dd is 9 months old and I'm back at work. I left her with my parents for a weekend but still wouldn't contemplate leaving her with MIL. The intensity of my feeling for dd took me by surprise - the fierce love, the feeling that I would kill anyone who harmed her - and have taken some getting used to.

Rambling - sorry! Not sure if it helps but it's difficult for anyone to really understand this unless they've been through it, so the grandparents may not appreciate the way you feel.

Thanks for replies. FOS dh does have a 2 hr commute so it's not possible for him to get home earlier. He's self emp so has to go with the work although it is fairly "local".
My parents know about my PND but PIL don't as I didn't really want all of dh's family knowing personal issues iykwim. I'm glad you agree about the weekend issue...sadly dh feels that we shouldn't restrict visits. I don't want to restrict but want to be able to run the weekends how we want to..not sure how to proceed.

saintnik,you are me!!! I'm happy that someone out there has through the same. Although gp's saw what we went through I don't feel that they understand us 100%. It's like they feel that we should forget the past as we have now got dd. We also want to move on and to appreciate dd but sadly it seems to have made us 110% more protective.
Not sure how things will move as as I'm a sahm and am not in a rush to put myself into a position where I need someone to look after dd. Suppose it's nicer to know thats its not just me...

Thankfully it's mainly the in-laws that I have issues with as my mother has been very instinctive about how to be with dd - probably because she is very similar to me and remembers how she felt when she had me. She always asks if she can hold dd and doesn't swoop down & pluck her out of my arms like some bloody doll, grrrr.

I think I'll write about how I've felt when dd was a baby in my diary as it'll probably fade and it'll remind me if I'm ever a grandparent.

yeah thats one thing that does annoy me...people holding dd without even asking me.Its like I don't exist. That said I also hated famialy touching my bump when pregnant. .

Since dd was born I have kept a diary of my thoughts and feelings and how protective I am over dd. Like you said it's a good reminder of when we are gp's. Years off yet though .

What I have also noticed is that NOONE execpt dh & I have ever fed dd. I never want anyone else to feed her either..
Friend of our had ds 4 months before us and she never bothered who fed him...I bf dd for 5 months and I loved the fact that she relied on me 100% for that. Suppose it also links back to the fact that I want her to love me more than gp's etc.

I think she will always love you more - you're her mummy, it's such a special relationship nothing can change that. I used to feel that I was a useless mother but that really was the PND talking - it has got so much better, just hang in there. My HV told me women who'd had fertility problems often get PND - you feel like you should just be so happy to finally have your baby that you get riddled with guilt if you're not happy (IYSWIM).

Yes I do totally. I beat myself up so much over it. I think ffs this is what you have always wanted and now dd is here you are wasting time crying,stressng about the future and that makes me more stressed as I say to dd "you really don't deserve this". She makes me cry by just looking back at me and laughing!!

I do hope you are right about the love bit...Sounds mad but there are times I hope she is a clingy child and I so wish she would cry when someone has hold of her [bush].Just so she can be passed back to me....[head hung in shame emotion].

Oh God am the same - dd just hasn't warmed to MIL at all and cries whenever MIL tries to pick her up and deep down I'm glad....feel such a nasty person. I've always been quite possessive, though. Funnily enough I'm fine leaving her at nursery while I'm at work but for me going back to work was a huge help.

Talking about it helps doesn't it, if someone else has felt a similar way? Makes me feel more normal anyway .

It does seem like its alot to do with the PND.

I have found with mine, that the PND hasnt so much created worries/stresses/anxieties peculiarities as it has emphasised existing ones IYSWIM.

It might help to leave DD with your parents for an hour one day whilst you go for a walk or something one day. Just to get used to leaving her with them, it will do her good to form relationships separate from you with other people from a young age.

There is just no way in the world she will love her GPs more than you. She will love them differently though, and she will go running up to them to hug them when she sees them, but she will always come back to you.

I have to say, im the opposite to you with regard to DD and DS being picked up - it irritates me more that people (ok - my mum) ask instead of just going up and being spontaneously affectionate, but thats just me.

Ditto SQV, it seemed to really exacerbate certain traits of my personality.

Thank goodness I've felt back to my normal self the last 2 months or so, thought it'd never end & I don't think mine was even that bad compared to some peoples.

saintnik, yeah it is nice to see that others feel the same. RL friends are the total opposite to me and I felt like I was the one who was wrong or not normal. I suppose everyone is different. People say I will regret it if dd is a clingy child but I hope she is....

sqv,I like the bit about dd still coming back to me..I suppose its just the fact that I now have something that everyone seems to want to have a hold of. You are also right about the bit about it being pnd emphasising existing issues....I have always felt I have had to fight for dh attention esp with mil and I suppose I feel a little left out with dd..I feel I am Mrs SHHHH in marriage only and dd is Miss SHHHH from birth and part of the family more than I am iykwim...?

God it's madness how mixed up my head it...

About the picking up issue. Don't get me wrong, both gp's are spontaniously affectionate and hug/kiss dd lots but I would rather them ask rather than just take..

I am so pleased to read this thread. I have been suffering from PND for nearly 2 years now. Had counselling for 9 months and eventually gave in and started taking anti d's 3 months ago. I had all those feelings you described and thought I was going completely mad as no-one I spoke to seemed to feel the same way. It is the PND but also time getting used to feeling so strongly about your baby, something I wasn't prepared for. Thanks to you all for being so honest. Hopefully with the help of the ad's I am back on the road to recovery, although still appear to have the odd bouts of pnd "feelings"!

I am also glad that everyone was so honest as it made me feel that I wasn't going mad...I am now on ad's (week so far) & feel much better. More positive. I hope things work out for you as well. x