Concerned

[pinkprincess22]

Hi everyone,

In late 2009 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. For several months after the birth, on and off, I suffered with post natal depression. Only at the time, I didn't know it was pnd or believe it could be, as it manifested in anxiety, paranoia and OCD behaviour. I believed pnd was only depression.

It was only after a discussion with my best friend, who's little girl is 6 weeks older than mine and who also had pnd, that I realised I had pnd.

I was reluctant to seek help, as like many women, I was terrified of Social Services. However I did approach a Relate counsellor and did talk often to my best friend (she was on anti depressants as her pnd was mostly depression with a bit of anxiety). Within the year after my daughter's birth, possibly sooner I can't quite put my finger on it exactly, I was free of pnd.

However, I frequently posted on a public forum for reassurance when I was having my obsessive thoughts. My pnd was at it's worst in the first six months and I would post almost daily. I would sit and obsess over silly things - but ONLY when my daughter was asleep I must add - and then post on the forum. It could be anything from "is my husband cheating" to "does he love his ex" and even worse, "he flushed the toilet 5 times so he must be flushing evidence that he looked at porn" and so on. I was anxious and paranoid about everything to do with my husband. Ironically, it all fixated on him, despite the fact he was innocent!

Now I must add that I honestly never obsessed about anything etc. whilst my daughter was awake - I was strong enough to push any thoughts to the back of my mind until she napped/went to bed. My daughter was never neglected, she has been loved from the second I knew I was pregnant. I have always had an excellent bond with her.

However recently, my estranged mother (long story but she's pyscho) attempted to hack into my email account several times. She has so far been unable to do so, but should she get into it, she will be able to access all the posts I have made. I can't delete them because they are part of the site now. She is then spiteful enough to report it to social services and make out that I am a bad mother or can't look after my daughter. I must stress that she hates me and is definitely spiteful enough to do this, but she has not seen me since 2008 and never met my daughter. (She threatened violence to induce a miscarriage when I was pregnant, for this reason she will never ever see my daughter. Also she is quite psycho and abused me, my sis and bro physically for years). I reported it to the police but as they can't prove it was her, nothing has happened. She managed to get into my sister's email and we can prove it was her (she forwarded my sister's emails to herself) so the police are aware of that.

Like many parents, I am scared social services will take my daughter away and maybe without warning. I am even scared to post this message now for fear of judgement.

I am considering buying a dictaphone incase a social worker ever turns up - as I have heard so many stories of them twisting words and making stuff up which results in further action or removal of children.

My main concern is that if my mother reports my posts, social services may decide that my pnd means my daughter should be removed - even though there is nothing in my medical records and I have been free of pnd for well over a year, and even when I had pnd she was never ever at harm or neglected.

My dad, sister, sister's fiance, grandma, family friend (psychologist) and other relatives will all testify that I am a good mum and that I have an excellent bond with her. But I don't trust SS will take notice. My house is immaculate, I am a full time mum, she has everything she could ever want or need.

Sorry this is so long - does anyone have any advice? I am so terrified that they will barge in and take my daughter, and terrified of the damage it will do to my daughter - she has never been away from me, let alone for a night, and would be terrified. She's very much a mummy's girl, if someone took her from me she'd be sooo distressed and so would I, it'd break my heart.

You are worrying over nothing.

You were ill you possibly still feel very vulnerable,perhaps you still are a little depressed.

Things written on an internet forum are of no validity - you could be a 6ft lorry driver pretending to be a teen mum you could be a nanna pretending to be a rap artist.

If someone hacked my accounts theyd think I was a bit odd eccentric.

Please dont let this become an obsession for you - life is like a notebook that phase of your life is on the page before - you have a fresh page to write on now.

But if you are feeling out of sorts and you are clearly intelligent enough to realise if you need a bit of help - please see your GP - mental illness is the same as any other illness or pain - you wouldnt put off going to the dentist in case SS thought you were a bad mum for needing a filling would you??? it shows great strength that someone actually recognises they need help and seek it themselves - before it gets too bad and its too late.

.

FWIW..When I worked for the SS it took an awful lot of support/meetings/investigation etc etc before even the suggestion of the children being taken into care arose-they dont just whip children away.

If the thing that is causing you most concern is the hacking of your email account, then change the password to something she can never guess. She is unlikely to have software that will run automatically, but even if she does, then changing it regularly (every month) will prevent that happening.

A good password is more than 8 characters long, has a combination of lower and uppercase letters as well as numbers and symbols. Your password should not use anything connected with you, for example "littlepinkprincess02", the name / birthdates of you, your DC, your dog, your address.

Dont write it down either unless you have somewhere very secure where she cant get it.

You could consider opening a separate gmail or hotmail account and use that exclusively for posting on forums.

You sound a great mum - get help from the GP if you need it - and try not to worry.