Feeling so sad

[Wossisface]

I dont know where to post this. I feel so sad today. I just left a friends house. Probably my best friend. She is getting married and she told me today that she I wont be her bridesmaid, thats absolutely fine obviously. but inside my head its the final straw. Since being diagnosed with Pnd I have no friends I have withdrawn myself. I dont see anyone unless its an arranged thing like a birthday party for one of my dd friends. This friend I know a year ago would have asked me to be her brides maid but, since then I dont answer the phone to her, I break arrangements, i let her down I have become totally unreliable. She isnt even having my dd as her bridemaid either and this is going to be so needy but i just feel so sad. I have lost my only and last friend.

I cannot make any friends as I feel a constant panic inside me. I so consumed by what people think of me all the time. I dont want to take my children out because of the feeling of losing control of everything. My 3.5 year old is a handful and hard to control. I feel like i really want to cry but it wont come out. Its stuck and I feel like i'm going to burst with sadness. Where have I gone? Ive lost myself I dont know what I feel or think about anything and I used to be so passionate about things, but now I just even know what I feel about anything.

I so grateful I have a sister else I would feel totally alone. My dp goes out all the time. I work and i'm grateful i do else I think anymore time spent alone I would go mad. I know my dp gets annoyed with me since dd2 has been born as i am in his own words 'a mess head'. I'm so anxious and over think everything. I just want to step out of my life for a bit.

pointless post. thanks for reading if anone has.

Oh you poor love - you say you have been diagnosed with PND - so what help are you getting - are you on meds - if so they don't seem to be working. You need to get back to the GP to say how awful life is for you and look at a change in meds. Many young mums on here are or have been suffering from PND and I'm sure will be along to give you advice. I suffer from depression and anxiety from time to time, so know the torment of mental illness - it is truly terrible and impossible to explain to anyone who has not experienced it. How old is your little girl? Whatever, you are dealing with 2 under 5s, working and trying to cope with mental illness, a DP who goes out all the time and is no support and calls you insulting names, it's small wonder you are feeling so desparate. Anyone would.

Your post was absolutely not pointless.

There is a woman who posts on here - nickname "Natsyloo" who suffered really bad PND and started a group for mothers with PND in her home town. She is pretty much through it, but has loads of experience, and I'm sure she wouldn't mind you putting out a call for her.

If you don't feel you can do that, you must get more help and support with this horrid illness - do you have a good HV, GP, CPN or any other health professional who could help.

Sending you warm wishes and keep posting as there is a lot of support on here as I'm sure you know. There will be brighter times ahead even if you can't believe it now.

Just reading your post after a very bad panic attack, felt like you were describing my feelings. I hope you are able to get the help you need, it is so hard to stay in touch with friends when you feel so awful. Mine is not pnd but that 'bursting' feeling is very familiar to me and it's incapacitating. I hope you find some comfort on mn and that your doctor can help you move forward. Lots of love.

thank you for your replies. I have been on meds, but when i returned to work I felt so much better but recently days like today are becoming more frequent. I came off the meds when i strarted to feel better, I wasn't sure they worked anyway, but obviously they must have.

I want to go back to the GP, but i feel paranoid they think I am attention seeking, I cannot really explain that but its how i feel and the feeling is so intense when i'm waiting to be seen.

NanaNina - I'm grateful for your reply thank you again. I hope your depression and anxiety is under control atm.

blonderedhead - I'm sorry to hear you are feeling similar feelings, and I feel for you having a panic attack they are truly scary. Its comforting to know I am not alone but I am truly sorry you are going through the same feelings.

I know exactly what you mean about thinking the gp will think I am attention seeking. I often tell dh and my counsellor that I feel like I am making it all up, it's such an out-of-body experience I guess. I think that paranoia that you are, or people will think you are, attention-seeking is part of the illness, and part of the reason it's so hard to get the right help - you are sometimes not the best person to speak up for yourself.

Please let us know how you get on, take care. Mn is always here if you need to chat, or just to know there are other people out there who care about you, even if it is not RL.

Thanks again it does help to just get it all out and written down. Plus I think I feel a bit better this evening as I stole one of my dp magners!! I dont drink much at all. But he has pissed off out again. And I saw them in the fridge and thought why not? Probably not the best thing in the world to be drinking when I'm feeling like this but I feel more relaxed for sure!! And I might actually sleep tonight.

Thanks again.