I feel like I am going mad

[Sunshinebay]

My problems started 13 years ago when I found a lump in my breast which turned out to be a cyst and harmless but I have never been the same since and went from one Doctor to another to get reassurance. I was constantly checking myself on a daily basis and always thought I could feel something. I am in the early stages of menopause now and so don't have periods but still get tender breasts and strange sensations in them from time to time which usually starts me off wanting to check them, I go to my GP regularly anyway just for reassurance. More recently I thought I had a lump in my throat, my doc assured me it was nothing but as I am a singer I use my throat more and after one rehearsal got home and spit out some blood. The Doc again said it was just a little blood vessel but it kept happening and I got very worried and went to see a consultant who looked down my throat and said all was fine. (He thought it was my gums!) I rested for five weeks only to find the next time I sang, it happened again so now I am waiting to see a consultant in Manchester who deals with singers but over the last three months, I have thought all sorts. Because of this I also have a very tight feeling in my throat, I know its a muscle that contracts under stress but its awful and there is no escape. I broke down last Sunday morning feeling helpless. My Doctor gives me Propranalol, not sure if they do anything for me. But I do know that you seem to become more aware of your body when something happens and once you get into the train of thought that something is wrong with you, its very hard to get out of, convinced that you are right and the experts are wrong. It seems to take over your life. I have been referred for CBT and hopefully this will help. I feel like I have taken a backwards step but I am looking for light at the end of the tunnel.

Propanolol stops the bodily sensations of anxiety and panic because it stops your heart from racing. It sounds like you badly need help with the underlying causes rather than just pills. CBT counselling can help with this, or psychotherapy if there are reasons in your past that make you feel like this.

The experience you had was scary and you are trying to protect yourself from more pain by constantly checking. I do it with my ds who nearly died in his first week and ended up disabled. He's a sturdy little man byut i go through phases of checking his temp or his lymph glands or whatever incessantly. I'm waiting for CBT to start now and using some self help books in the meantime.

When I was a little girl, my Mother for some reason was always checking me. I also had my tonsils out when I was around 5 or 6 years old and was hysterical when she left me in the hospital, I know that left me with a fear of hospitals and from then on, when ever we went out and she didn't tell me where we were going, I was afraid and wary. She also used to threaten me with hosipital if I was naughty, instead of getting a smack or a telling off and I believe it has left me with these problems. I remember seeing a film on the tv when I was probably 12 or 13 years old about a man who had a brain tumour and they made it as though he had strange vision and funny hearing and whilst at school I thought I had the same symptoms, my Mum would reassure me I was fit and healthy and cuddle me and then I was fine again. My Dad always said my nerves were bad. But other people I talk to don't worry over nothing like I do. I just want to be normal, what ever that is.

Propranalol is often prescribed to actors for stage fright, musicians and alike for situation specific anxiety, e.g performances, public speaking etc.

Perhaps, as you are a singer, your doc may be (rightly or wrongly) too focussed on this area as the root cause/quick fix.

Agree with other posters that CBT is a positive step. Would you feel comfortable seeing GP again to discuss other medical options for anxiety such as ADs or hormone meds to potentially supplement the CBT?

Hi,
What are Ads or hormone meds? I wouldn't want to have the hormone treatment that has health risks attached. Overall I don't really suffer from hormone related problems I don't think.I don't get hot flushes or anything. I have my bloods taken regularly and although my thyroid was a little overactive, the doc said it was normal and to have it checked again in 6 months. I just feel nervous and jittery most of the time. Is there a herbal remedy that would help? I have tried hypnotherapy but it doesn't do anything for me.

ADs are anti-depressants. A low-ish dose of any of the modern ones can really help with anxiety.

In terms of natural remedies I find Rescue Remedy helpful, but not everyone does.

Thing to bear in mind is that it is not at all in the interest of your doctor to misdiagnose. So they will only say it' ok if they are sure. If they are not quite sure they will refer for investigation.