I don't know how to cope with this

[WhereDoIGoWithThis]

Name changed because I don't want this linked with my everyday name.
I'm fed up of feeling like rubbish and it affecting my everday life.
I struggle to get off to sleep and struggle to stay asleep but I'm so tired. I burst into tears at the slightest of things. I'm actually starting to feel suicidal. I've been sat here on the couch for about 3 hours trying to write this but all I've been able to think about is how I could actually kill myself, What I'd have to do before I went and what to write in my note.
I just don't knwo who to talk to, how to cope with this or even if there is anything I can do :(

If you're thinking about methods, then you should probably ring the out of hours GP, or go to A&E. I know that when I get suicidal thoughts/ideation, trying to do anything else can be very difficult. Disturbed sleep also makes things worse/harder to cope with (and is part of depression for some people).

Your out of hours GP should be able to get people to help you - it doesn't matter that it's the weekend, there are services (Crisis/home treatment team), that are there to support people who need it.

Do you think you shall be able to try the GP?

I just don't feel like I can talk out loud about this. I tried talking to DP a few weeks back and he just laughed it off and said I'd be fine so that's kind of put me off telling anyone. I'm sure they have much more important things to deal with too.

Believe me, they don't have anything more important - the crisis/home treatment team are there to support people, and help people not to spiral or do something that they may regret if things were different. The out-of-hours GP likewise...someone once said to me that they (both) are about reducing the death rate - it's one of the reasons that depression is taken so seriously, as the end point for a lot of people would be death if they didn't get treatment/help acutely.

How would you feel about making a few bullet points, or even ringing them up and reading your post?

Things that stick out from your post for me are:

• Problems sleeping and getting to sleep
• You're tired/exhausted
• You're tearful
• You have been thinking about suicide and ways to do it
• You need help

Alternatively, do you have anyone who could help with the phone call?

WheredoIgo when you feel this shit you don't want to get up and get help for yourself but this is when you need it most. You don't need to feel like this and you need to get some help. Your dp probably wants/needs you to be ok hence his reaction.

If you are thinking in such concrete terms about suicide you need real life help, posting on here is not enough.