Hello,
Sorry - this might be a long one! I think i am not coping v well at the moment but I have no history of depression or mental illness so don't think I could say I was 'depressed' as such but would like to help myself snap out of this state of mind. things are just getting a bit much recently and normally I feel very resilient so it's surprising me how bad I feel. So, I was wondering if anyone could suggest any ways to cope or move on? Or am I drama queen and should just get on with it and wait for it to pass?
My background: DD is 3.2y and DS is 1.1y. I am a married SAHM. We live on the other side of the world with no family nearby and have been here for 2 years. I have some friends here but noone that I can really talk to. I don't speak or read the local language very well (but am trying to learn!) and visa conditions mean I cannot work. It would be very difficult for me to see a doctor due to the language barrier. We returned to the UK at Christmas to see family, and while we were there my Aunt died. I was able to go to and speak at her funeral (we were very close) just before we had to fly back here. I don't think I grieved properly at all. It was very easy for me not to think about it all as I was so far away. Then last month, I had a missed miscarriage and again, I thought I was ok with it but just since last week, it has all hit me at once. I am crying a lot, not sleeping very well, and losing my temper with the kids. I feel dreadful for being such a bitch to them and have no energy. I resent having to do all the household chores but am managing to keep going but seem to be hating my life at the moment. DH is not much use. He hasn't really said much about the miscarriage. He pretends to not think of it being a baby when these things happen. Says its easier for him to deal with it 
. he does nothing around the house but he is a great Dad and happily plays with the kids all weekend and will usually cook 1 meal at the weekend too. Oh, and he also usually puts the dishwasher in before bedtime. So, I know I can't ask for much more as he works so hard during the week. I can't stop thinking about my Aunt. I think it's because we are now starting to plan our next trip home at Christmas and the thought of going back and not seeing her is too awful. My biggest problem at the moment is how I handle the kids. DS is fine - too young really to be much of a bother although he is in to everything at the moment! DD can be willful but no more, and in fact a lot better, than most 3 yr olds. But i find myself shouting at them whereas before I would have had a stern word or used some other tactic. I hate the mother I have become.
Anyway, sorry that is so long-winded. I think it has helped to actually write it all down so maybe I don't even need any advice just to be listened to a bit, which doesn't happen at all in real life at the moment 
. Thanks for reading this far.