Waiting for that over whelming loving feeling...

[Mumatuks]

I've changed my name for this as I feel so bad about what I'm about to say:
I had my DS2 about 6 months ago now, and he was a great, happy home birth. I couldn't have asked for better. However, I just haven't had that over whelming feeling, rush of love that I had when I had DS1 (who was a hospital birth which was much more difficult) Although I know I love my DS2, I can't feel it. Does that make sense to anyone?
I have been diagnosed with PND, not been put on AD's, but have had councilling which has helped, although I don't feel I've fully conquered it.
With DS1 I knew his exact age down to the week, day and hour if you'd asked me, but with DS2 I honestly can't tell you how old he is. I feel so guilty about this. Is this just me? Has anyone else felt like this?
Thanks for reading.

Not knowing the age thing is probably just a second child thing full stop. I haven't a clue how old DS is most the time - somewhere between 1 and 2.
It took me three months to feel the "rush" for my DD and I didn't have PND. I can't help you there, but only re-assure that it will come.

Mumatuk, don't know anything aboout PND, but when DS1 was born 20 years ago, I was overwhlemed with love from the minute he came out.

With DS2 and my beautiful DD I never felt that powerful rush. That doesn't mean I love them any less. Also with DS1 everything was so new and different, I religeosuly(?) filled out his baby book and can tell you exactly when his first tooth came, his first smile etc etc.

With ds2 and dd well their lucky if I remember their birth weight

Doesn't make me a bad mummy!! I would still lay down my life for them!!

Don't know if any of that helps! But good luck to you and hope wise Mnetters can offer you loads of advice.

Hi SGB and RTL, Maybe its just part of being a mum second time around then! I know I lvoe them both like crazy, I just haven't got that mega "wow he's mine" rush of love yet.
Thanks for your answers, I feel a little better now knowing its not just me.

Hi Mumatuks

Just wanted to add a "me too" note too. I too love both ds's to bits, but never had the rush with ds2 - never had the time or energy, I don't think! I also had PND with counselling after ds2, which may be part of it, but feel happy with where I am now. For me, it is just a second child thing.

I never experienced the "rush" you're talking about with ds or dd. I put it down to the hard time I had delivering ds and then the second child thing with dd. I love them both dearly but when people talk about this overwhelming feeling I have no idea what they're talking about. Used to feel left out but now just accept it and enjoy them in my way

maybe the rush you felt was in becoming a mother for the first time and doesn't indicate that you have a lesser love for ds2.

I never really felt a floud if love thing with DS. But I know I love him and he loves me.

Ditto what pickasillychristmasname said

You know what tears me up, the fact that I "fell in love with DS" (the younger child) instantly and although I love DD, I can't remember feeling this complete adoration with her.

I feel guilt and worry that maybe this means I love DS more than her.

Hi everyone and thanks for your answers.

Its made me feel better to know that I'm not the only one, and maybe this is really quite normal after all! I'm too much of a worrier.

Thanks again.

Something else I wanted to add to this thread but was at home yesterday and my keyboard there is playing up.

I think we as society place too much emphasis on this flood of love feeling. It is very nice and very enjoyable but I REALY don't think it equates to love.

Do you take care of your child?, do you want the best for them, would you do anything to protect them? - Then you love them and the way I see it if I am doing this without that 'lovey feeling' then you are loving them all the more if you see what I mean.

All this gooey ' I felt this rush stuff ! is probably mostly hormones and to my mind is not love in the true sense. If you feel all this but don't do the right things how useful is it?

Also the truth is (much as we hate to admit it) some of us like some of our childern more than others. This is more about personalities, (sometimes they just clash), it really has nothing to do with love. You can love someone you have difficulty liking and to my mind that can make the love something you can be even more proud of than one that is helped along by the 'lovely feelings'.

Though of course the 'lovely feelings are great too' when you have them.

Anna

hi everyone;
for my part i feel the love for my ds (5wks) in quite a negative way at the moment; i know id do anything for him, i hurt when he hurts; but it feels like a huge burden of love, one i'll never be free of, a huge potential for pain. i know there are positives, i just cant feel them right now. does anyone else feel like this?
im hoping its a natural thing i'll adjust to in time...

pogface, I know what you mean exactly. Sometimes it is just too much. I said on another thread that I find the love (or whatever it is) to be painful and quite overwhelming at times. I don't think it's that unusual and I deal with it by not dwelling too much. Hang in there...