I was diagnosed with PND after my first baby approx 6 yrs ago, steadily gets worse and now pregnant with no 3 (and final!!). On Citalipram for last 4 yrs approx and just down to every other day which is good I think! but most days feel like kids would be better with another mum, find it very difficult to go outside even to shops as OCD is there every minute of every day (germs germs and more germs)....went out today and it nearly flipped me to the edge again, which means kids get screamed at (totally not there fault - there just kids who behave pretty darn well tbh). Husband and children adapt to MY ways and do whatever needed for a quiet life but would love to be normal mum who can let people in and out of the house or go out for a walk without having to deal with repercussions and feel a total failure to my children and husband and firmly believe they would be much better without me, would love to have the guts to just walk away and let them live there lives and enjoy it. I am out of fight and am not wanting to ruin another babies life cos I can't deal with life and day to day issues. Might be nice to know I'm not only one and just thought I would give this a try - never ever written stuff down before.....thanks for your time. 