In response to someone writing a letter saying ADs don't work a lady has written saying that if depression is caused by early life dysfunction, then tablets won't help.

[TheOriginalFAB]

This is me plus as the ADs have helped I think I have regular depression as well. Therapy doesn't help as I have tried it for a long time. I feel like there is no hope so I have to learnt to live like this or????

Fab, your OP is what I'm worried about. I went through some horrific incidents as a child, during which I was petrified of my dad and felt totally abandoned by my mother. I had a breakdown last year, was ready and really wanted to commit suicide but just couldn't do it because of my DC's. I am on anti d's now, have felt very, very low at times, but not as low as during my breakdown.

I have done so much reading on the effect of childhood trauma on the brain and my understanding is that severe and repeated trauma can and does affect the normal development of the brain in a growing child. I suffer from PMDD (very severe PMT including feeling suicidal) and I read that trauma during childhood that affects the development of the brain and thus the brain's ability to regulate/produce the appropriate hormone levels can lead to PMDD as an adult.

In a sense I feel I was brain damaged as a result of the abuse and neglect I suffered as a child and that damage has had many long term consequences on me and the way I function, mentally, emotionally and even physically.

Sorry, pressed post too early. The only silver lining to this cloud is that I have read also that the brain retains it's plasticity into old age meaning that with new, different experiences during adulthood, the childhood programming can be replaced with new programming, closer to the ' normal' development that should have taken place during childhood if we had not been so unlucky to have been born to such inadequate, damaged and unfit parents.

I am really struggling.

Fab, there is help and support out there for you. But you do have to seek it out. I know you say you've had therapy, but I think therapy is only helpful if you have the right therapist. Any therapist will not do unfortunately. I've been through at least 4 therapists in 5 years and am only now starting to see clearly what sort of therapist I need.

My DH is very good too. Do you have a good relationship with your DH?

Talk to us, Fab

I'm so sorry you are really struggling at the moment.

Fab, how are you today?

I can not control ds1. I am 100's of miles from home. DH is at home.

Can you go home Fab?

I would but my (FM) foster mum wants to see us in the morning.

If she wants to see you despite being so unwell she is a selfish so and so

I have texted her to say how bad the boys are being but she forgets about her phone and doesn't check it.

I am in the bathroom now as I can't type in the dark and dd felt sick earlier, ds1 carried on and on and ds2 was copying him. Tomorrow morning can't come soon enough.

I only see her once a year so she wants to see us every chance she can and tbh it is too late now to leave as I think dd might be asleep.

I have to have a mammogram on tuesday and haven't had chance to think what i need to do about that, but maybe that is for the best.

I just can't believe my son thinks it is okay to speak to me in such a total no respect at all manner. I have clearly failed as I haven't taught him to respect me.