PND or Bipolar?

[MummyFleece]

Hi all, I really hope you can help me out here.

I have previously suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder during which time i was diagnosed as having bipolar. More recently I have given birth to my 2nd child and I don't know whether it's my bipolar or PND that is getting me down or whether I'm just a terrible mother :'(
Basically I find it hard to have alot of time and love for my new baby (currently 6mths). When she cries, I get frustrated and annoyed at her, as tho shes doing it just to piss me off - I understand this is ridiculous and not something I should feel. I will say things to her as though she's an adult and I will sit her on her own while I'm feeling like this as it feels too much for me. I'm fine throughout the day if we are out and about, and i feel alot of affection and love for her then, but when it comes to feeding times and nap/bed times it seems to trigger me off and I hate it. I have noticed I'm far more impatient with my toddler lately also, snapping too quickly at meal times etc. I have never smacked my children before these feelings or now.
I never felt like this at all with my first child.
My husband doesn't know how I feel, i don't want to tell him as we've come through slot in our past and I don't want to seem like I'm going backwards at all.
I also don't want anyone thinking I can't cope or that i don't love my daughter :(
I just don't know how to 'go forward with this. Actually, that's a lie. I know I should see my gp/hv but I really don't think that's an option for me :(

You HAVE to see your gp. The sooner you do, the sooner you get help and the sooner everyone feels happier. It doesnt matter what your husband or anyone else thinks. You need to feel better so you can begin your relationship with your babies. You'll regret it if you dont. Good luck!

Sorry, also meant to say, its totally normal to feel this way. Being a mummy is hard hard work. you deserve a break and an ear to listen to you! We've all been there even though some of us wouldn't admit it! GO TO GP.

Thanks for your reply.
I know what you mean, most people wouldn't admit to it and I suppose thats because it's such an awful thing to think about your child. Why do I? I'm just so confused, the only thing i know is that this isn't normal
I really don't want to see my gp about this though, don't see that as an option right now,
Thanks for your reply again x

I second the advice - get some medical advice, either from your HV or your GP.

It's hard being a mum at times but PND can certainly affect your bond with your baby as well as your mood. I can't speak for bi-polar as I don't have experience of that but I struggled a lot with not having the 'right feelings' in the early days. I felt terribly embarrassed and ashamed of myself for my feelings but soon realised it was typical of PND so sought treatment with ADs and therapy.

Please speak to a professional, it doesn't have to be this way for you and things can and will get better :-)