Why do I not feel anything? Effect of grief or something else?

[sh77]

DD passed away suddenly a day after she was born (2 years ago). I wasn't bitter or angry about her death. I thought I dealt with my grief. I became very withdrawn from people, which is fine as I always liked to be on my own. Recently, however, I have realised how unmoved I am when something happy/sad occurs (e.g., my graduation, bro getting married, etc. I don't feel anything - I acknowledge the event and then let it pass over me. It isn't that I am not happy for the person when something good occurs. I just don't feel it at an emotional level. I do find myself getting easily angered/irritated and I just don't where this is coming from. I feel like I am turning everyone against me. I don't think I am depressed. Any advice or similar experiences?

So sorry you've had to lose your DD:( Two years is not a very long time ago and grief doesn't tend to go away. I expect you were in shock and numb for a while and now feelings are starting to come to the surface. It's quite normal to feel anger and this can come and go over the years. Have you been able to talk to anyone about your daughter? If not you may find some counselling might help.

Was there a reason your DD died? I lost my DS to cot death twelve years ago. There was no definite reason for his death and I still find it hard to deal with although it's become easier to talk about over the years.

I don't think you're depressed. You probably just need to work through your feelings. There are plenty of mums on here and on the Bereavement board that have been through similar and can offer lots of support.

I'm so sorry about your loss - I came very close to losing ds at birth and that was traumatic enough.

It is possible that you are numb with grief. It is also quite natural to be angry easily when you are grieving as people seem to be so occupied and emotional about things that seem totally inconsequential to you, so totally unimportant in the light of your loss. Anger is also a normal part of grieving.

On the other hand it is possible that you are traumatised. Post traumatic stress can lead to loss of feelings of highs and lows. I was in that position for years before it came to a head, was diagnosed and treated.

It may be worth having a good chat with your (hopefully supportive) GP. Some counselling seems appropriate - possibly via somewhere like Cruse Bereavement Care.

I am so sorry you lost your daughter.

Could it be that you don't feel emotion at other events because you have had the worst thing you could happen to you, so nothing else registers?