Thank you all for your kind messages, very late last night, early this morning and into this afternoon. I am so grateful. DS1 turned up c 8am - he'd been wondering around the town until 1am and then went to the church (of his youth as it happens) where he lay down on a raised platform but under some kind of shelter. Didn't see anyone. Slept a bit.
Police had circulated his details but in the end , he just walked back. Tired, dirty, hungry.
His siblings can't stand having him in the house and have been very, very angry with DH and me since he came back in - in fact since he came home from 18 months away - a few weeks ago. With the fiasco last night, the friend (of ours) with whom he'd been staying, has chucked him out. Because siblings (15/19) won't tolerate him in the house because of past wrongs, we have had to put him in a nearby youth hostel for tonight.
Trying hard to find supported lodgings but proving very hard. He wanted to stay put, was talking about his future but he is almost complete denial about his past behaviour. Said he was manipulated into leaving suddenly (by my ex and even by other family members) and said that over there, with ex, he fell very ill and couldn't be accountable for his actions - like (though he claims not to remember) writing us vitriolic letters, writing to third parties (to be precise DS3's school which turned into a SSD nightmare). Claims he was under influence of drugs and ex's heavy influence. So feels he can't really say sorry to his siblings as his behaviour (which he says he doesn't recall) was part of a 'context' which wasn't of his making.
True, ex is a highly manipulative and unsavoury person but, as DH says, he wasn't abducted - could have stood his ground.
- Could hard drugs and steroids (he had body dysmorphia for a number of years) really erase memory, especially of unpleasant events, to that extend? Coupled with a diagnosis of psychosis which is what the hospital last year (when he was away from us) diagnosed.
- How to build bridges in the (immediate first) family? How to help the kids be reconciled? The atmosphere at home is so, so tense - younger children are so angry, tell us we should chuck him out on the street. They don't know about the suicide attempts or much, if anything about, the 'context' ie ex and his years of attempting to woo DS3 and persuade him to leave home. Any kinds of 'professionals' come to mind - family counselling/therapy? Might it work? DS3 has apparently emailed Childline today - he is so afraid of DS1 in the house.
- Accommodation - trying the Foyer (full), other supported options (full or waiting lists), local mental health services here very poor. Going for a carers' assessment but advised nothing may come out of it.
Bottom line - want to help, support DS3 (in spite of everything) but younger children must be protected and feel safe. And this fractured family must be able to get back together - sometime.
Thank you all again - any more thoughts gratefully received. I am so tired and very, very sad. xx Sorry this is so long - won't write at such length again.