Is it possible to be self-destructive and not know it?? Not sure where my downward spiral is going to take me or how to help myself.

[PiperBeeley]

Have seen GP, they put me on anti-depressants quite a while ago. Im sorry, I know how incredibly self-pitying this sounds but i really do think my problems are caused because im a pretty unlikeable person, i try not to think that way but all evidence suggest this is the obvious cause how on earth can i change that? I dont know how im so horrible?!

Did they refer you for counselling? Can you afford to pay yourself? I would suggest you definately find yourself a good counsellor, the anti d's are only part of the solution.

I am SURE you're not an unlikeable person. You sound like you have some problems you need help and support with. Over time you will start to like yourself a bit more as you recover your self esteem, self confidence and self respect. You may not realise you are lacking in these at the moment, but from your short OP, I can see that you are.

Hello, thanks for your reply, i do think sometimes maybe a good counsellor would help, but i cant afford one and my GP has never suggested it. So many things have happened over the last few years, im truly unsure how i could possibly ever gain any self esteem, confidence etc. I know if i saw someone to talk to it would help, but id have to see the GP again, id no doubt go on some sort of waiting list, i just really dont have the energy for it all. GP's seem to treat you like your a time-waster, well, some of them do, not all. Feel very much at a dead end, under a black cloud. Not entirely sure how any mumsnetters could sort me out, but i guess i just needed to write down my worries, maybe try and process things that way in case it helps IYSWIM?

you think you are an unlikeable person because you are depressed, not the other way around. If your GP is bad, change. You may need a higher dose or different ADs and yes you need counselling. Stop making excuses why you are not having counselling like that your GP has never mentioned it. Go and ask. If you get no where and have no money there are charities that offer counselling at low cost/for as much as you can afford.

Your post isn't self-pitying at all - they are the words of someone who needs help and support. The fact you've communicated this means it's bothering you - you might say you're unlikeable but if it didn't bother you it wouldn't be an issue...so in turn you can't be an unpleasant person, because you care how you're perceived.

As madmouse says, it's indicative of depression - a negative core belief about yourself that cries out low self esteem.

Summon the courage to revisit your GP and get the help you deserve x

Thankyou for the replies, i did go back to see my GP, got a different one this time and he has referred me to get some counselling, and also put me on some different AD's im keeping fingers crossed this helps. x

well done you - keeping fingers crossed too!