i think i want to come home

[fostermum]

i have already put a thread in relationships,how my wonderful new life is not so great,and all i can think of is coming home,i would be coming back to living with my daughter no money, no job, no house,but at least i wouldnt be so lonely, i feel fat and ugly,no body will want me at my age here,so why not just say to hell with it and go home, my daughter here says im feeling sorry for my self and i suppose i am i just cant lift my self out of it and really dont want to go on

I am really sorry to hear that you are unhappy. i read your other posts over the weekend.

I think that you have to give yourself more time. I believe it takes a minimum of one year to even start to settle when you make such a huge change in your life, as you have done recently.

Are you working at the moment? Are you legally allowed to work? If I remember correctly your friend/boyfriend sponsered you to emigrate to NZ. How beholden does that make you to him? Are you able to move away from the area where he lives?

i have a job and am in the process of getting a work visa, im pritty much beholden untill i start getting paid and can rent my own place, but that means being even more on my own,i dont think i can face that either

it does take a long while to settle in, harmonious personal relationships or not.

Give it 6 months.

It is a great opportunity for both of you. And although I wasn't familiar with your situation before you left, it was more than this bloke that made you disatisfied with your life in the UK, which means it's not just this bloke that can make you happy

fostermum, sorry I don't know your full story. But from what you've said in your message here, there's seems more hope of a happy life where you are, not where you have come from. Have you tried visualising exactly, on a day to day level, what your life would be like if you moved home again? How you'd feel, knowing you'd closed the door on this opportunity you have? Would you simply feel relief to be home or would you feel very cross with yourself for not giving things longer?

I have never gone to a different country to live, and imagine it must be very hard to feel at home. Even when I moved from my home town to live in London (years ago now) it took at least a year to feel settled. I just so much missed seeing familiar faces around me - not just friends and family, but my neighbours and people I knew slightly. Once I began to know people in London, it made such a difference.

Are there any expat group internet sites you could investigate, or have you already done this?

fostermum - give it a year at least. Ive moved twice in the last few years, each time I hated it for the first few months. Hope things improve for you.

If you have a job and are about to get a work permit I would say that the main thing to concentrate on for now is getting the legal side of things sorted out, finding your own place (so that you don't have the daily 'reminder' of the man you came to NZ for) and then telling yourself that you will give it your best shot for one year and if you still feel unsettled after that then giving yourself 'permission' to return to the UK.

Once you are more independant you may find that making new friends becomes easier, it does take time though, I moved last year from one area of Athens to anothor and it is only now that i am starting to feel 'established' where we are now.

How are you fostermum? I do hope that everything is getting better for you.