Im new here but Im thinking I might be depressed?? Help Please x

[tinkerbellchelle]

I am new on the depression board but finally have admitted to myself that I really think I might be depressed.
I am 20 years old and my baby boy is 5 months he is a darling a really child out happy baby who I LOVE with all my heart. However my pregnancy was traumatic I was in and out of hospital and then the birth was very sudden with no pain relief and afterwards I ended up in theatre for 3 hours to be " repaired " Luckily I bonded straight away with my son and to this day that bond just keeps getting stronger BUT I hate myself. I physically hate it when I look in the mirror I physically hate everything about me. I feel Im a failur my partner works and sometimes I feel I let him down if dinner isnt ready etc. He isn't worried if dinner isnt ready but I am I feel I should have it ready. If I havent cleaned the house or done washing etc I hate myself for it feel that Im a SAHM I should be doing these things. My MIL interferes and I think that is part of the reason I dont wanna say Im feeling down cos she will be on me like a rash butting in. She basically tells me how to look after my son and is always telling me Im fat etc and when I first met DP ( 5 yrs we've been 2gether ) that I have changed and look awful now. I also feel if I tell partner he will feel let down ( know he would support me but I feel bad to let him know Im struggling ) I just dont know what to do, I mean I hate being upset around my baby boy, Im lucky that none of these bad feelings are towards him but Im worried that if it carries on I might start to resent him??

Who do I talk 2? I dont fee comfortable talking to HV............ please help me I used to be so happy and every day now I cry and cry and just hate who I am. Please I hate this feeling
( sorry the post is so long )

Have you told your partner how you're feeling?

I dont really know how to tell him, as to him I always look like Im doing a fantastic job and just hide eveyrthing. I mean Im sure I can approach him I mean he is a wonderful man but I dont know how to tell him Im basically living a lie

I think you've got to tell him how you're feeling. Your self esteem seems to be non existent at the moment and keeping up an image of doing a fantastic job is doing you no favours at all. You've had a difficult pregnancy and birth and are dealing with a 5 month old baby, why do you feel that you have to make everything 'perfect' at home?
I notice that you say that your partner works. You are working too! Why is it that being a mother is not seen as work? Your MIL sounds like a total pain and I think you need to diplomatically (without insulting her, all boys love their mums ) tell her or get your partner to tell her to back off for a while. If your partner loves you he won't feel that you've 'let him down' he'll probably be upset that you haven't told him how you're feeling.

You're a young mum trying to find her way around a new baby and you are doing well by the sounds of it. Have you talked to your mum/dad/sister/brother about any of this?

I've been there and know how hard it is to let anyone know. You feel if you admit it to anyone then your even more of a failure. Your not. You need to confide in someone, and if you don't feel that you can tell your partner then a friend or your mum. You need to talk to someone and then they can help you to come through it. And you will come through it, you won't feel like this forever.

I would really advise telling your partner about what his mum is doing and how it's making you feel. She has no right to talk to you like that and he might be able to get her to back off.

Hugs to you. Please talk to someone. Best wishes, Gem

thanks ladies, Im sat here in tears realising that hiding it from my partner is silly.
The MIL is away at the mo but will def get partner to talk to her, I thank you ladies so much.

Sometimes I feel silly getting upset etc and then cos I feel silly I get more upset its just a big circle.
I think I might write to my partner as maybe writing it will help me say everything I need to say.
thank u all for listening to me moan xx

Writing it in a letter is a very good idea. Do it soon, won't you? And stop pretending to cope. That's an order.

Im gonna go run a hot bath and then snuggle in bed and write to him and tell him truthfully whats going on.
Thank you ladies, Im out 2moro with a friend for lunch but will let u know in evening how its all gone.
Thank you all so so much xx it means so much knowing people understand x

I have had a chat with my boyfriend and he has 2 more nights working left and then we are going to go out just the two of us and have a nice evening somewhere quite and a nice chat.
Thank you ladies xxxx