Anger release and CBT - your advice

[ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow]

I am depressed. I have worked out that I have a lot of anger that I have spent my life time ingesting rather than expressing it. (in short: NPD mother, passive father, abusive stbxh). I've been wondering why my limbs have felt so shaky since I left stbxh 5 months ago, and figured out yesterday that they want to be clenched, the hands balled into fists and the legs like a NZ rugby player doing the haka. Also whenever I try to relax in the steam room at my gym, I feel agitated and like there is a scream welling up inside.

The problem is, I have no idea how to let it out. I can't really yell in the steam room; the gym would probably invite me to never return! And screaming into a pillow sounds disappointing: I want to hear it; to know it's being expressed.

Punching a pillow sounds great in theory, but there's the problem of where to start: I speak softly and walk lightly. I shun aggressiveness and have never shown any myself. I can't even hit a drum, fgs! Too repressed. So even if I decided to pummel a pillow, I'm not sure I could let myself do it. Any tips?

Finally, I have been having psycodynamic therapy, which has been good for delving into my past and my feelings. But I now want to do stuff to start fixing the exposed problems (co-dependence) and feelings (self-hatred). I have an appointment with a CBT person next week. What should I ask her for, those who have had CBT?

Im in the middle of doing the CBT workbook for dummies for my anxiety, its teaching me a whole new way of looking at things and changing my thoughts from negative to positive, im just doing the bits in the book that work for me but there is a whole chapter on anger and ways to deal with it so i would say it would help, even though i havnt seen a specialist on CBH i understand it a lot more, i would say that it will deffo help you deal with your emotions in a more healthier way, its designed to alter you way of thinking and will show you how to deal with the pent up anger, self hatred etc.