feels like I've come to the end of the road :(

[Rhksmum]

I don't feel I have any right posting here but I don't no what else to do any more.

This week has been one of the worst I have had, I'm not coping with anything any more, house is a disaster, garden looks like a jungle.

I've fallen apart, messed up my meds, nightmares and flashbacks won't go away. Spent the night at the hospital last night because my headache wouldn't go away.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore, nothing feels real anymore, I'm disassociating (sorry can't spell it) all the time, It's scaring me.

I know they say when you hit rock bottom there's no where else to go but I just keep falling. I can't get a grip on anything, its all falling apart around me and I can't fix any of it.

I don't deserve to live, to breath, to be here, be anywhere.

I just need a way out that wont hurt my children and give them a better life.

OK love, hang in there and call for RL help - community mental health team? A&E? Is there an adult with you or near enough to come to you (parent, friend, sibling, partner?).

There isn't anyone who can come, spoke to my Cpn this afternoon and she said she would speak to of again next week when she's back.

I'm going to have to admit defeat and see my gp tomorrow to try and get through the weekend until my youngest 2 children go to their dads for 2 weeks and I can try and get some help to I guess sort my head out.

You have every right to post here!

Nobody cares about the garden or the house. They don't matter at the moment, focus on you and your family for the immediate future.

You love your children and they love you, with this in mind, the best life they can possibly have is with you.

You need to take just a small step and things will improve. You need to call for help - is there anyone at home you can speak to? Can you get to A&E? If not, your CMHT, Samaritans, OOH doctor? Just ring and say I need some help. Don't think any further than that, just get that far.

Oops cross posted!

Seeing your GP is a fantastic idea. Tell them everything you've written on here.

Do you think you can go to bed now and rest until morning? Or make a cup of tea and watch something silly on the TV?

It's not 'admitting defeat' to ask for help when you are ill. A mental health emergency is every bit as valid as a physical one: you wouldn't call it defeat if you had raging appendicitis or a severed limb, you'd ask for help. Help is there.

Rhksmum - could you give the hospital a ring and see if they can put you in touch with a Crisis team? or call NHS Direct?

Also, were you treated for your headache, and do you know what caused it/nature of it? I don't say this to alarm you - and sorry if I'm way off the mark, here - but if you're suffering from a migraine, then that can be linked to (very) low seratonin levels, and also have a chemical/emotional aspect that can be quite similar to what it sounds like you're going through.

I know what I'm saying might sound trivial, but I've had what I think is a similar experience to yours (related to very low seratonin levels, horrible headaches which feel like a punishment for something and go on and on and on...), and it really is caused by brain chemicals that make things seem as terrible as they do in your OP. And it is treatable, you can come out the other end of it.

You're not admitting defeat by getting help for this, by the way.

Oh hun sorry I'd gone to bed by the time you posted it an I wasn't on FB much last night. But please come and talk to me when you feel so bad I'm always here for you you know that xxx

Please do go to the GP. And please let them be helpful this time.