Urgent! Ill DS now home and records in another authority

[RoseWei]

Please advise - DS1 returned totally unexpectedly home yesterday after 18 months in other area. In the latter, was in and out of MH hospital and tried to take own life at least twice. Only contact was, on his part, very, very hostile.

Clear that he was on meds in this other place - now he is here we have no way of knowing what and how much. He came with very little - mostly dirty washing. Tried mental health helpline for our area - worse than useless - got the runaround. Tried his old hospital but they said their computer systems weren't linked with community mental health which would have the data we need.

His GP? We don't know. No longer in our area, of course. We also rang his bio father with whom he had been staying, when not in hospital. He claimed that DS was still living there. DS says that he left 6 months ago and has been roaming, staying on friends' sofas and doing work for cash. We have no idea who to believe. DS is clearly unwell and my ex has always been disingenuous - so no help there.

Our other kids don't want DS1 back - he was very difficult with them. Trouble is, we don't have family and we have no contacts for any friends of DS. He says that he has been in the area for a few days staying with a former colleague - but I wonder. He seems so vague, so disoriented. And it's Saturday!

We (step father who's brought him up since he was 2 and me) didn't show him the door - he's our son, after all, but the atmosphere is awful - siblings don't want him here. If I put him into accommodation - lodgings perhaps - how would he fare? I reckon he needs his family - and you never stop being a mum, however far your kids push you.

Thanks in advance for any help/support!

Not sure I can help re whether you should let him stay or not but if you feel he needs urgent MH help, most A&E depts have access to a crisis team. Also, if you can get him registered with a GP asap on Monday, they will be able to get his notes. Can take a while but they can request them urgently. Even if you don't know who his GP was, if he can at least give you an idea of the area it shouldn't be hard for the local authrity to track him down. It will all be on the national spine. Do you know his NHS number?

How old is he and other DCs? Are they old enough to ask them for a bit of patience while you try and figue out how best to help him?

Sorry, didn't mean to make that sound like it's easy. I'm sure its not that straight forward. Hope you find a solution.

It sounds like ds is an adult. I appreciate you want to look after him but it sounds like he won't be fixed in a hurry. If he is difficult towards his siblings and upsetting the status quo then lodgings or even a b&b somewhere will possibly be better until you can get the ball rolling on Monday. Sounds harsh but he is showing a degree of coping if he has been working cash in hand and finding somewhere to sleep so he doesn't need to stay in your house if that doesn't work.

Consider contacting Social Services and say he is a vulnerable adult who need an urgent assessment. Then your own local GP who will need to get hold of his medical records or at least a list of most recent meds.

You say he was very difficult
can't you wait and see how he settles in with you?
You could take him to your go on Monday to get registered

How old is he? There's alot of difference between how I would treat a ds that may disrupt the family between the ages of say 16/17 and 21 / 22. I think if he's still in his teens he's really going to need support and together you need to work out what is best for him under your care. But if he's early 20's its not unreasonable to give him support and guidance just not under your roof.

However, if you say he's tried to take his own life. Can he just stay for the weekend and then review it on Monday as another person has said?

I meant to add in after the sentence about tried to take his own life, then he's obviously extremely vulnerable and will need support and supervision from someone trustworthy.

Thank you so much for your replies. For the practical ideas and support. DS is nearly 23 - Lotkin, you are right - that is a far cry from being 16.
Things are so fraught here. Younger DSs (15/18) are scared - he was so aggressive before he left - and are barely leaving their rooms. DH and I can't leave them with DS1 in the house, they just won't have it. This is going to pose huge problems with work next week. Logistical nightmare.

DS1 is clearly so unwell. Looks so sad, confused, talking, occasionally, in disjointed, erratic manner. His stories don't add up. Managed to speak to his old hospital today which had very little useful info. Just that he had been on antidepressants but they didn't know about when he was prescribed in the community by GP and if he took them. DS says he was officially off all meds many months ago, within days/weeks of leaving hospital but hospital says that records show he was prescribed as recently as March this year. Perhaps only a local GP will make sense of all this when we get him signed on.

When we try to talk to DS about his behaviour in the past, including sending the most horrendous letters about us to third parties (once he was away from here) and being so unkind to his brothers, he claims not to recall any of it. One series of letters let to DS3 being interviewed by SS and Police - came to nothing - but hugely embarrassing for DS who was then 13.

DS1 now tells us that he was taking strong recreational drugs in the months before he left - sounds like LSD. That would explain his bizarre behaviour, his aggression and his determination to isolate himself as much as possible from the rest of the family. DS2 heard him talking to us today and says that nothing has changed.

Family life has been turned upside down. I've tried the Foyer - long waiting list - 6 months to do assessments. Tried A and E - say they could call for a MH specialist if he goes but DS says nothing wrong. Is there hell. He is very vulnerable and looks so sad. So do his siblings. And I am trying to broker a peace/truce - nothing is working. And I am terrified about Monday. I'm in a new job - f-t for 10 weeks - and we need the money to balance the books.

I live in a smallish town with ropey MH services but surely someone/some group can help? I don't think I can let DS1 loose on an unsuspecting landlady/flatmates? I've emailed a couple of possibilities through a website but as DS has MH issues, and less than a year ago tried to take his life (twice), would anyone other than trained professionals/housing scheme of some sort want that kind of responsibility? And yet having him at home is proving so difficult, so uneasy, so unhappy. Sorry this is so long - xx

Oh you poor love - your son sounds like he is definitely mentally ill - maybe psychotic (as in being out of touch with reality) but you also mention use of recreational drugs and you have no idea what he has been taking, crack cocaine, crystal meths etc (horrendous drugs) which in themselves can cause psychotic type illnesses. Did you say that his dad says that he is still living with him?

As a mother I know how hard it must be to turn your son away, but I don't honestly think you can put the other 2 at risk as you have no idea of how bizarre his behaviour is going to become. I think you should get him to a GP ASAP and hopefully he/she will see that he needs help, and can maybe track what has been happening in the past 18 months. If his dad says he is still living there, then wouldn't that be the best solution. I know what you mean about not getting help for a young adult who is mentally ill but also out of his head probably on other drugs too. He sort of slips through all the nets, unless the GP thinks he needs to be hospitalised or sectioned.

He probably won't stay around too long anyway as he has obviously been living somewhere for the past 18 months, maybe a squat or somesuch. He may have found himself in a tight corner re money and needs to lie low for a a while.

Agree that you need to try SSD Mental Health Team to get him assessed urgently as a vulnerable adult. They may have hostel accommodation. It might also be worth getting in touch with MIND for advice.

I think if all else fails, all you can do is get him a private rent (they usually want a months rent in advance and a deposit) then he could claim Housing Benefit for the rent, if he is capable of this.

So very sorry I can't offer more useful advice - this is a nightmare situation for you as a mother who loves her son but has to think of the other teenagers too.