Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, should I give up p/t job to get better?

[accessorizequeen]

I've struggled with depression most of of my life but since having my twins, I can't seem to shake it and the panic/anxiety is out of control. I have 4 dc 7.7, 4.7 and dts are 2.9. Dp has full-on career running several businesses although v hands-on dad. We moved house 5 weeks ago and a week after I totally lost it and fled for a week. It was either that or suicide quite frankly. I took 2 weeks off work, it's only 2 days a week but very responsible and lately stressful. I'm meant to be doing another half day in sept when my 4yo starts school. But I want to get better and be happy and it seems that something's got to give. Within 2 weeks of returning to work I feel just as bad as I did before.

All I read on MN is how a good p/t job is holy grail and wonder if I'm mad to give it up. Ive worked v v hard there for 9 years just to throw it away. Well paid , fab pension, flexible about hours, interesting and challenging. But my family is struggling because I'm so stressed and angry all the time. I've had some counselling, trying to get CBT at present but it's been nearly 2 years and I keep getting worse. Drugs don't seem to help much. Tonight I pretty much decided that quitting is best thing but is it actually going to help? I don't make much after Childcare although would make more in a few months when ds2 goes to school and dts get funding. Am I mad or right to put mental health and happiness first?

can you cope without the money? your health/family is more important than any job

Yes we can cope, and that's what I've been thinking but will I be bored, frustrated and jobless for next 10 years? It might make depression worse. I had already considered retraining in 2 years when dts start school but 2 years out of job market a long time. I had hoped to do masters with job experience as don't have a degree.

you don't have to be jobless - you could work from home and go back to work when you feel more up to it
is there any open university training you could do now?

I don't know what your profession is but is freelancing an option? That's what I do (and it's the best decision I've made in a loooong time) so I can regulate how many (or few) hours I do and I work from home around my children's needs with just a monthly phone meeting (the people I work for are actually 100 miles away so trips to the office are very few and far between).

Can I ask what it is about the job that is having such a neg effect? Was time off from your job the only thing that changed in that period?

Could you take some extended leave? Parental, unpaid, sick? So that you can spend time working on you and then make a decision.

Thanks all. I couldn't do this job from home, they want me in the office. And I have a nice office, if I were to continue working I'd prefer to have my office really. It's only a short drive from my house/nursery/school. I have thought about working from home in the long run when dts go to school, something was going to have to give then because I couldn't continue to work some of the school holidays with 4 lots of childcare to come up with. At present I have family leave to fall back on and 3 of the dc stay in nursery year-round.

I don't know if it is the job that's causing all the stress - all I know is that too much stress from home & work is making me ill and I can't change much else about home. It's days at work that leave me feeling stressed and anxious and panicky. I just don't seem to be able to cope with my life and as I can't take one of the dc out of the equation, work is the obvious contender! I originally worked full-time in this job, then gradually reduced my hours after each lot of mat.leave. But not the expectations of the department - 16 hours a week is not much to try and achieve what they want me to & I feel I'm letting them down as well as my dc and dp. I'm in the middle of a new project which has become a lot more stressful in the last 6 months because the colleague doing it with me has done none of the work so I'm left with all the decisions & workload on 2 days a week. I'm just exhausted, and at the end of my tether. Giving up work seems like a way to immediately give myself the space to get better as I'd have 2 days a week free without dc.

I wouldn't be granted unpaid leave at present as the project is due for Sept/Oct and it seems so unfair to the dept to go on long-term sick leave when much of my stress is due to my family life. I will be off work with parental leave for a while in order to cover the school holidays anyway. In September, I will only have 2 dc to look after during the day as ds2 will have started school. I did hope that would ease things a little, but then I'm expected to another half day at work as well (my stupid suggestion many months ago, what was I thinking?!!).

It does as though they are putting too much on you and increasing a day doesn't sound like a very good idea, unless of course it will even out what you are already expected to do. I think you do need to give them the opportunty to help with the workload, if it doesn't work out / help then you can always still leave.