advice please...don't know what to do, how to stay safe anymore.

[dreamworldfullofUNICORNS]

I've been on and off fluoxetine for years, was previously under CMHT (2006/07) but in a different area. Was off fluox for a while, but gradually felt myself slipping so went back on about a year ago. Since then I have moved to a different area, have new docs ect and have majorly slid backwards. I've BEGGED for help at my doctors surgery, and a referral for counselling went through for me at the begininng of March. Things have only gotten worse, I'm self harming, seriously consider suicide and am very low most of the time. there is no middle ground, if i am not very low then i am hyper.... its noticable to those around me and generally a very dramatic swing.

I went in for an emergency appointment on friday as i felt i couldnt continue pretending i was 'ok'. I was brutally honest with the gp, possibly sounded like a complete loon and asked for a change in meds.

I am being weaned off the fluox over the next two week and then have a prescription for venlafaxine 75mg to start. I found out today it will be at least another two months for my counselling referral to be actioned.

I live alone, I do not feel safe alone. I am scared to be coming off the fluoxetine, i am scared to start something new. I am scared how i can possibly cope continuing like this. I can honestly say, i dont know if i will still be here in 2 months.

Sorry this is long and rambling.

what did the GP suggest? to carry on with the change of meds and just wait for the referral?

is there any way at all you could pay for counselling privately until then?

i think if you are genuinely feeling suicidal and are scared that you will do something then you should consider asking to go into a MH unit? do you have a husband/partner? children?

I cant pay privately. Ive just started a new job after months of being faffed around over another job. I am single, absolutely skint and live alone.

GP told me to go back in three weeks, suggested i see a different doctor at the surgery and discuss with him where we go next, suggesting i see this other doc all the time for continuity... I havnt met him yet though. I'll be a week into the new meds by then. it was the gp secretary who rang me this morning to tell me it would be another 8 weeks before my referral gets to the top of the heap.

:(

do they have a CPN you can see in the meantime?

the only referral they have put through for me is for a newish 'youth' service I can find nothing out about (im 24). its called new thoughts or something like that, i cant really remember....

I dont know what else i can say to them to get more help, before i moved, even though my cpn had discharged me i still had the phone numbers, I could still pick up the phone or ask the gp to refer me back and i knew it would happen quickly. The new area and i dont know how things work, and honestly cant deal with negotiating it all... its enough just to get up and go to work at the moment.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough and scary time. Is there any chance you could see a psychiatrist rather than your GP? If you're feeling so suicidal and are self harming you should be under the care of the CMHT surely. Did you tell your GP about the mood swings and hyper periods you are having? I think you should go back, you clearly need more support than you're currently getting.

Panic attack at work today.

Don't no where turn anymore

I'm drinking too much.

hug
I started self harming yesterday for the 1st time in years, it was that or suicide. I feel for you on begging for help, I has beg for help that came then left in a hour, felt worse after the cmht came, I told them im going to do it, but they went anyway! only reason im here today is that im alone with 3 kids and i dont want them to find my body. Ive already wrote my good bye letters, I know its know help, but i know how your feeling x
If your drinking is making you feel worse, could you get the strength to poor it away? maybe just take a deep breath and prtend your pouring away you tears/ anxitys? maybe that stupid, just thinking aloud, sorry.

Dreamworld and manaicmummy, please try to stay strong both of you. I read something the other day that stays in the forefront of my mind, esp when i'm very low. Suicide doesn't end the pain, it just passes it along to your loved ones. Please try to stay stronger than those urges, keep posting here if you need to talk. Have some (((hugs))).

stay strong manaicmummy.

I'm living minute to minute at the moment and just about keeping my head above water. Just. I ended up taking an awful lot of diazepam last night, just to knock me out before i did anything even more stupid.