so. mental hospital.

[APieOfButter]

what do i need to k ow?
only going to here for a few days.

[cityhobgoblin]

Argh butterpie , bad behaviour from those doctors but excellent advice from posters with experience .

Brilliant advice from putthatbookdown - can you have with you when you ask for answers / issues to be addressed , an advocate or friend who has a hint of scepticism about the psychiatric system ( but is discreet about it ) , rather than , say , your partner / other relative , who may feel you should slot quietly into the ward routine .
Sorry for awful grammar - must be hard to read when dosed up .

Sorry you're in for longer than you'd like but there may be positive experiences which will help you understand your current condition ( you'd hope so wouldn't you). Hope you get some sleep.

[cityhobgoblin]

So sorry aPieofButter for getting your name wrong & hope it doesn't cause you any problems < time I was snoozing >

[APieOfButter]

ah, butterpie, apie, its all me :-)

[APieOfButter]

im so so bored. dh brought my a level stuff in (which in itself is a compromise from the degree i wanted to finish) but i cant concentrate on it.

the kids came to visit before. there is a special family visiting room with toys.

im sick of this now. they keep wanting these blood tests. i got as far as rolling up my sleeve today.

i keep missing meals because im busy when they are on. i was fasting at breakfast, and with the kids at lunch.

my mum says i am near the seaside. presumably theres nothing stopping me going from a walk? im not on a section and they were fine with me being in the family room and i could have just walked out then.

[midnightservant]

First rule of getting out is be compliant. Sorry that's I how I see it. But bloods are important for your physical well being eg. some meds can affect liver function if they are at the wrong level so I would go for the blood test for that reason anyway.

Exercise is important - but at this early stage it is quite possible they won't let you would prefer you didn't go off the ward. Can you walk round the ward? Older wards are better for this IME due to more room with dorms not individual rooms.

Even if the other patients seem a bit 'mad' you might still have some good conversation with them.

[APieOfButter]

why wont they let me leave the ward though? given that im not on a section, and so could in theory walk out the door?

my kids came earlier and they let me wander back and forth to the family room, which was next to the open front door, no problem, yet when i asked to go for a walk, they said no.

anyhow, i saw the doctor again, we negotiated i could have a tranquilliser to help me have the blood test tomorrow, and then i will go on lithium. also i finally got an official diagnosis of bipolar. which tbh i had self diagnosed about four years ago, but there you go. apparently im having a mixed episode.

i think i managed to get his head round the fact that im not stupid, i just have memory problems.

oh, and ive moved rooms- now further from the night station (was in the nearest room) so that must be a good sign. now my bed is in a blind spot from the door, which makes me a lot happier- slept some of last night on the floor as couldnt sleep knowing people could look at me without me knowing. now at least they have to open the door rather than jusf peer through the window.

[APieOfButter]

why wont they let me leave the ward though? given that im not on a section, and so could in theory walk out the door?

my kids came earlier and they let me wander back and forth to the family room, which was next to the open front door, no problem, yet when i asked to go for a walk, they said no.

anyhow, i saw the doctor again, we negotiated i could have a tranquilliser to help me have the blood test tomorrow, and then i will go on lithium. also i finally got an official diagnosis of bipolar. which tbh i had self diagnosed about four years ago, but there you go. apparently im having a mixed episode.

i think i managed to get his head round the fact that im not stupid, i just have memory problems.

oh, and ive moved rooms- now further from the night station (was in the nearest room) so that must be a good sign. now my bed is in a blind spot from the door, which makes me a lot happier- slept some of last night on the floor as couldnt sleep knowing people could look at me without me knowing. now at least they have to open the door rather than jusf peer through the window.

[APieOfButter]

again with the double posts! sorry.
anyhow, im doing plenty of pacing up and down inside, but i need to blow out the cobwebs a bit.

feeling a lot more settled today. no massive breakdowns etc. hoping im on the mend.

my uncle has invited himself tomorrow, im dreading it, ge said he was coming to check they werent putting me on medication that i didnt need and to get me out of here. sigh. hes got a high up job (in pharmacuticals, but hes a business man, not a dr) and he tends to think he can solve everything by talking in a commanding way. its lovely that he wants to help, but really not what is needed. unless he smuggles me in some sushi or something :-)

gah, theres going to be a storm soon too. need fresh air! standing in the smoking area doesnt cut it. i seem to have the staff smoking area near my new window too. at this rate ill be addicted to nicotine before i leave!

[APieOfButter]

seriously hacked off now. im not even allowed to sit in the grounds. the only outside area i can go in is the bloody smoking patio, which is tiny and full of mad people smoking.

im not on a section! i said tgat i could just leave, and they said that would cause them to 'assess' me.

i only want to sit oufside the front door for five minutes. i have a banging head, no appetite and cant sleep. all of which would be helped by fresh air. also getting really wound up now.

surely this isnt legal?

[midnightservant]

I know, it sucks. But until they feel you are stable they want to keep you on the ward. It is not unknown for people to leave the ward, only to turn up dead somewhere :(

Have you eaten? Could be a hunger headache. You can ask the staff for something for the headache.

Give the mad smokers a try! I am was one of them once!

[cityhobgoblin]

You sound as if you really have your sharp wits about you APieOfButter even when feeling unwell and with the drugs . Sorry you had the experience of feeling stressed by sleeping in a watchable spot .
Glad your DC were able to visit & it must be hard for you not seeing them spontaneously at the moment .o

Am sure you know this all too well, but I'd advise against sharing humour , irony or even a desire for self - improvement ( essily interpreted as depression / low self esteem etc ) when chatting with staff , as can lead to stressful misunderstandings !

Hope as you get used to the drugs , your concentration will improve and your studies will become possible again and you can lok forward .

Others will know about the situation with being allowed outdoors , but I saw a study featured prominently in the Guardian today about MH clients' unnaceptable lack of access to the outdoors , usually due to to few staff [sad} so I feel for you , as outdoors is vital to my MH . Have you had a chance to raise it properly with the staff ? Sounds as though you've tried to .

You sound very strong in a stressful situation & the room move and diagnosis sound like progress . Hope you've had a chance to access more food today . Thanks for kind reply about my mistake with your name.

[APieOfButter]

blood test done.

[UpsyDaisyDo]

I've had two spells as inpatient (most recently April of this year) and found it so frustrating that I wasn't allowed to go outside. The only outside space available was a smokers balcony which wasn't even totally outside as it had a partially covered roof a bit like a bus stop!

During my first admission I would argue with the staff constantly about going for a walk in the grounds but it never got anywhere so this time I didn't bother. Where I was you were on 15 minute observation for at least the first week and then after your first ward round you can ask the consultant to be allowed off the ward. Unfortunately, as others have said, the best thing you can do is be compliant and wait it out. Hope you're ok today xxx

[UpsyDaisyDo]

Oh and re blood tests I think its pretty standard practice. During my first admission I was sent to the general hospital for a chest xray! Even the radiographer couldn't understand why.

[APieOfButter]

whoo-hoo! after me moaning and groaning all day about still being here, dh came in to ask as well (in a suit and tie) and the nurse actually listened and will ask the doctor tomorrow about me either going home or at least having some leave.

excellent. im still not better, but i dont need to be here. i at least need to be allowed out for a walk. dh was allowed to take me out and we had a brilliant long walk (we're in the grounds of an old asylum) and got rained on and muddy and it was great.

[Scheherezadea]

Hi, I have a diagnosis of Bipolar I - mixed, and spent a lot of my time going into hospital and being generally unwell. However I've now been stable for about 3/4 years - lithium really was a wonder drug for me.

Here to talk/listen if you need any advice or info :)

[Grockle]

Good news, apie

[cityhobgoblin]

That would be brilliant , apie, but you know how it is sometimes - one staff member can be optimistic, only to have her view sat on by other members of the team who want to check a few more things / confer with a member of staff who's not available / find a file etc so I hope you haven't had depressing news about it - but the end of the stay is in sight .

Have you had your first dose /s of lithium ? If so , hope any side effects aren't too debilitating .

Sorry I didn't see your post on Tues about feeling terrible & needing fresh air . Must post a link about legalities , though you hopefully won't need it.

You did so well to negotiate with the doctor to have a tranquiliser so you have the blood test - am amazed you managed to do that when on medication & feeling unwell a fair amount of the time ( sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick about how you're feeling now - you sounded v articulate even when had to go into hospital ).

Hope you're OK today.

[APieOfButter]

so, update. allowed pretty much what leave i like, although have to tell them where i am and when ill be back. also have to be back in the evenings, but thats fair eniugh as i get most ill in the evening.

not allowed lithiym as a) so rubbish at blood tests and b) i forget my meds too much. which is true. so having quetiapine along with my usual lamotrigine. not happy as previoysly found that antipsychotics have made me gain weight and feel really sluggish, but dr said it is only other option. first dose last night made me fall asleep in the corridor. plus im not having any psychosis, so doesnt seem right, but it is accepted as a treatment for mania so lets see.

so now on drugs designed for epilepsy and psychosis, without actually having either, but i suppose if it stops this bipolar, is worth a try.

making a concious effort to engage with everything now, even daft things like the relaxation class. i keep having little flurries of panic that i dont want to take the meds etc, but i think what i want is to just not need to take the meds, and nobody can work miracles.

[cjel]

So glad you can se improvement. Great you can come and go. hope you get your miracle.xx

[cityhobgoblin]

So good to hear you have more freedom apie , much better when that's possible - & very sensible of you to be relatively glad to go in in evenings as it's your rough time atm .

You are doing amazingly well to try to engage in everything - more than the staff will have been expecting , I'm guessing . Sorry the side effect of sleepiness was so severe on first dose & hope you're not feeling too bad physically today .

What a moving sentiment from cjel , and I believe it's pretty common for people who have had relatively regular episodes of mania & psychosis ( which I know you're not experiencing atm ) to find they "die down " greatly as they move through middle age , & many who felt they had to take strong medication have able to manage without . I believe there are lots of studies which illustrate the anecdotal evidence ... this may not be comforting as I think you're still a youngster , but you may haveless time on antipsychotics than you fear . ( I know later life carries other stresses on MH , especially where difficulties haven't been addressed )

I wouldn't be keen to take the extra drug either in your position , but hopefully you can gradually experiment with reducig dose / possiby coming off when you've felt more stable for a sustained period . You may eventually be glad of not taking lithiuum long term , or you may still find a cure for your blood test phobia .

Sorry for long patronising & underinformed post...oh yes , are you a Paul MacCartney fan, as I didn't realise butter pie was a lyric on one of his songs.

[APieOfButter]

wow. really really drowsy. lasf night had racing mind but couldnt get help as body tooo tired to move.

even worse than the oger antipsy hogics ive been on.

[cityhobgoblin]

Sorry to hear that , apie - must have been so frightening . I once took a medication that made me so tired I struggled to breathe - it affected my muscles - to think of you feeling anything like that when you needed help . Have you been able to tell staff this happened and ask them work out a way of them checking you tonight so that won't happen again ?

[APieOfButter]

My review is monday at 3 so im asking for home leave from sunday am till monday lunch. Also have decided not to have quetiapine tonight - willing to try it in a couple of weeks at home, but side effects too severe to cope with when im not 100% to start with. Have told nurses and they are ok about meds and asking about leave.

[cityhobgoblin]

Aha , that's such a relief staff are understanding - all too often people are bullied into starting new drugs when feeling ill and anxious to try and help those symptoms when a more thoughtful approach might help the person take the full dose of medication , sooner despite the delay in starting .

Am so impressed at the way you're asserting yourself and hope you get the leave too.