walkinthesnow: your honesty and openness is amazing; I can't tell you how much your posts have helped me start to understand what's happening with my dd, and come to terms with the complexity of this.
Like you, manicmummy, I almost think I'm in denial about the reality of what's happened, because I simply cannot bear to believe that my little girl has been so physically damaging to herself - I know she's 18 now, but I can't stop images of her when she was younger haunting me. Children are so physical, aren't they, and you hug them and hold their hands when you walk along, and they have such lovely skin and smell so lovely - I've always loved the physical closeness you have with your kids. And yet it's that lovely, lovely child body that she's harmed - it's so selfish but I simply can't seem to come to terms with that fact that she clearly feels so differently about herself from the way that I do, this is hard to accept because it's so unutterably sad to me.
Still, this week has probably been a big wake up call for me: my dd is actually a young woman taking actions entirely independently from me, however desperate these actions were, and I need to respect and understand this, not keep living in the past when she was little, and maybe I'm sort of expecting or hoping she'll stay young forever. But she needs to be allowed to grow up, and be respected for her choices, whatever they are.
I am so glad for you, walkinthesnow, that your desire for cutting has stayed away for 3 years. Am shocked at the overreaction of that youth worker, and what a pity that she overreacted so badly because that seems to have stalled any conversation you could have had with your parents at a time when you could have done with their support. You have clearly gradually grown in strength and confidence over the years, which is wonderful to hear despite it being a long and rough road at many times. You are an inspirational person.
I'm not expecting a magic wand to wave, but sometimes I think my huge desires for things to be 'all alright again' for my dd may was well be a desire for something magical to happen, for a miracle to cure everything and put everything back how it was, and I'm being very unrealistic to what her real needs may be for many years to come.
I guess that as parents it's very difficult, probably impossible, to protect our children from all sorts of problems that they'll face, however desperately hard we want to protect them; I guess that only thing is to keep supporting them best as we can when the problems arise.
manicmummy, you sound so worried. I suffer from depression too, though less so recently than when I was younger. I find that one of the hardest things, where my dc's are concerned, is that if something goes wrong I blame myself - I've had to learn over many years that the kids don't like that; they've already got whatever problem it is that they've got, and now they've got my guilt to deal with too. Sadness all round, and nothing moves forward.
My best way of trying to stop my guilt is to try to focus on boring practical things, if possible, try to take the heat out of the situation and deal with things when they're calmer. So, go for a walk, cook a meal with dc's, tidy stuff up with dc's, etc etc. and worry later when I feel I can cope better. Simple but works for me. Oh, and Friday night is 
night 
You sound like a very caring and loving mother, doing the best for your dd - have you got support for yourself? I've got less depressed over the years as I've managed to accept more support for myself.