I am afraid

[BertieBotts]

I mean, really, really scared. I don't know exactly what I am scared of. It's just underneath everything else, all the time. I can hide it, or sometimes even make it go away for days at a time but it always comes back. Every time someone knocks on the door I panic, I put off reading my post until far too late, I unplug the phone so nobody can call. This isn't normal, is it?

I'm not really coping properly. I make sure DS is okay - he is fed, he has clean clothes, enough sleep, place to play, and we get out and do things together. I can keep up with my uni stuff fine. But I'm really crap at the other things, keeping the house tidy, keeping on top of stuff, staying organised. It takes me weeks to do something as simple as make a phone call. The health visitors are involved and I have a support worker from the children's centre, but she doesn't do anything, and they reduced that to every 3 weeks because I was getting better, but I feel worse again now.

I didn't really know what to post but I needed to post something.

Hi Bertie, have you approached your gp about having anxiety meds? There are other mners who would know more, or try searching the archives.
Don't take this the wrong way, but for a young mum you seem to be really together, and do loads of good things with your DS.
Is there anything specific that triggers you, that you could make arrangements to avoid, or have someone else do for you IYSWIM?

I spoke to my GP a few weeks ago in relation to the problems I am having getting organised with the house etc, and he said I was probably just a messy/disorganised person, it's just my personality, and there's nothing they can do about that. But I wasn't having the anxious feelings then. I was supposed to go back after he spoke to my health visitor but I had just been busy and wanted to get my exams over with first. He's also given me a phone number which I can refer myself for psychological therapies, CBT and things like that, but again I haven't phoned them. When I think about it it seems too hard and when it would probably be easy, I don't think about it. But then on and off I've had these really bad days. I'm feeling okay now, probably because I've been out of the house and eaten something. But the other problems are still there - the house is still in a state and I'm still avoiding things that need to be done.

Glad you're feeling a bit better now

I dont know how much support you have in rl, or if there are any mners near you, I am in your region, but not that close... is there someone who can ring for you?
I understand- I am v telephonicphobic myself.
Could you draw up a simple rota for each day of the week, just to do mop kitchen monday eve, vacuum downstairs tuesday eve, empty bins weds, batch cook thurs, clean bathroom fri- that kind of thing, so that it doesn't get on top of you?
If you only had 1 chore each night it wouldn't seem like too much of an imposition...

I am presuming DS goes to bed fairly early, being so small...