Falling apart

[Jaxiya]

The last few weeks I feel like i'm falling apart. Last night I couldnt stop crying, I just wanted to hurt myself. I feel like everyday I am just waiting for DS to fall asleep so I can cry without him seeing. I feel like a useless mum. This morning I sat looking at DS and I couldnt bring myself to look after him. DP has taken him out so I can get a break. This is the first time I've been alone in 6 months.

The last year and a half i've been happy for the first time in my life. I came off anti d's and anti-psy meds. I felt so proud of myself for doing so well.

Now I feel I cant cope. DP is suspended from work and will probably lose his job. My maternity pay will stop soon and I dont know what will happen. I keep trying to go one day at a time but its all getting on top of me. To top it all off, the cooker has broken, the bedroom ceiling is leaking water everytime it rains, the drains outside is blocked, shower has broken...

I just want this to get easier.

You've got such a lot on your plate, I'm not surprised you feel like you're falling apart. It's important that your and DP support each other through this. Do you have any follow-up appointments since you came off your meds.? Perhaps your GP could put you in touch with a counsellor and you could talk it all through and break the problems down so they don't feel so overwhelming. The Citizens Advice Bureau might also be an option to help you with practical/financial issues. Your health visitor could put you in touch with Homestart as it might help if you had a regular visit from a sympathetic person who would sit with your little boy so you could get a break.

Thank u for replying janni. It's just good to be listened to. Going to chat to dp tonight and see what we can do sort at least some of this out. I had never heard of homestart but that sounds like something that might help when DP isn't around.

I was a Homestart volunteer for a while and it's a good organisation, in my opinion. The volunteers are often mums who've kids have grown up a bit. They remember how hard it was and how much they would have appreciated a willing volunteer to call round at regular intervals!!

It's great that you're keeping the communication going with your DP. Often, when couples are under a lot of stress they can turn on each other. If you can avoid that you're doing really well!

Wow, reading your topic makes me realise how lucky and selfish I am! unlike you, I am a single mum, yet there are many agencies out there to help - help visitors, when I had depression following the birth of my girls were invaluable/ plus counselling with your partner, reviewing any medication, plus looking into local nurseries to give yourself a break. Giving birth and the aftermath can be hugely traumatic. You need to look after yourself and, unlike me, take help when it is offered. It does not make you a weak person. Take care .