how down is depressed?

[missinformed]

Had a really bad day at work on monday and it was suggested that I should go and visit my gp as I'd lost my spark in my job and i know that i could do better. Returned to work part-time a year ago and found it difficult at first, but came around and began to enjoy again.

Now am feelling really lowagain, as I didn't think i was too down, but do not find work easy at the moment.

I'm wondering if I should visit gp/talk to hv, but am worried that i will dissolve into tears and not be able to pick myself up again. I've been a bit tearful this week and have had thoughts of running away/quitting work but cannot afford to do this and know dh will not be happy about this.

Any advice? I don't think i've explained this very well. Sorry.

No apologies required. If you think that you will get upset if you talk to someone about it then I think you should. I would say that clearly indicates you need to share this feeling. Can yo start with your DP?

Sorry, I mean DH.

Have tried but dh thinks it's dented confidence and I never seem to get past this point. i'm not sure where to start either. There isn't a real beginning, just this feeling of not coping with work/marriage/motherhood

Btw sorry it took so long to get back to you.

Missinformed.... I know HV's can sometimes take a slating on Mumsnet, but I rang mine to tell her I was low (the first she'd heard of it) and she was round for a chat almost immediately (granted I was probably lucky and she had a window). She was really lovely, non-judgemental and very understanding. She gave me lots of advice and subsequent support.

So, in my experience, I'd advise talking things over with your HV before your GP. Apart from anything else, your HV will be able to give you far more time than your GP (although I have to say when I went to see my GP on the advice of my HV she was also lovely and gave me a fair bit of time)

Hope this helps, and good luck to you.

Thanks Serah, My HV has also always been very supportive and helpful, I think I keep sweeping this under the carpet a bit and am frightened if I admit to others there is something wrong I'll lose control. Does that make sense? I think as well as ds is 19months I thought that I wouldn't feel lllike this. Very naive I know

Yes, it makes sense Missinformed. But the problem with sweeping things under the carpet is, eventually a big pile of dust and hairs and all manner of shite blasts out the other end eventually. Time it takes depends on how big your carpet is if you know what I mean.

Depression can bubble along for years - sometimes just takes a blip and you can feel down, and you can bubble along feeling down until you hit a catalyst and then "thar she blows".

I'm stabbing a guess that you have changed your name for this thread. If so, just blast forth with your real frustrations. What do you think it really is?

You guess right serah.

I suppose some of it has to do with my work pattern changing last year I did 2 full days and half aday, now i do 5 mornings so by the time i leave work ds is ready for afternoon nap, of 2 hrs. So as nice as it is sometimes to do chores/ work for work we never get to do any nice mummy things. Plus as a teacher(sorry) I feel can't spend the time i used to planning getting room ready, organising stuff. I have no Permanent nor particularly confident TA to give display work, organising resources for next day so often feel I am on my own. Don't particularly find head supportive and willing to offer help. This is due to a class of 15 4 yr olds which should be a doddle but they are a very boisterous and bizarre mix of characters I have had the pleasure of teaching.

Phew that's some of it anyway.

It's a difficult one! I have just given up my teaching job after going part time as I felt I wasnt giving anything 100%. I have been feelng really low and my confidence has taken a severe knocking. My GP said that by going part time it had actually made things worse and that my brain couldnt handle the fact that I'd tried to sort a situation out and it hadn't worked because the 2 days I wasnt working just upped the stress for the 3 days I was. I was working through lunch hours trying to get everything sorted I was in a terrible school with no support.

sorry this shouldnt be about me, what I am trying to say is go to your doctor, maybe have some time off sick to sort out your head.

I wonder if SAD could be a factor? Just that you mentioned you felt like this a year ago and then came round?

A friend of mine had to go back to work. It was on a part time basis (9.30 til 2). She hasn't said anything specifically, but I know she finds it hard, sometimes by snippets she does say and other times by things she doesn't say. I personally would find it extrememly hard to work part time every day. In fact I would go as far to say that I would hate it. I know so many people do, but I have thought long and hard about it when I think about my friend, and what it would mean - to her, its getting up at the crack of dawn to get him ready, and then get him to the grandparents (opposite direction) then back and across the city during rush hour. To leave work just before rush hour means the journey will take around 45 minutes which means she will be home after brief chat, collecting the gear and listening to the days antics and turning back on herself at around 5. Not much of a part time day in my book. Stress level 10.

Is there no way you can go back to your previous arrangement? At least you get a couple of days where you don't have to run round like the proverbial blue arsed fly. Seems from your first post that someone has recognised there is a problem. Who is it? Can you approach them in the first instance?

I do feel for you.

tillykins- it had crossed my mind, as you noticed it was around this time last year.

serah because of budgetary factors the school are unable to offer my previous arrangement as I don't exactly have anothe rhalf as last year.

I'm very lucky that all childcare is very close to work, an don the way. But getting up 5 mornings isn't easy. Thankfully ds is very good, sleeps all through night, quite contented and placid. He is jsut beginning to assert is independence more. I really don't know how i would cope if he wasn't like this.

Last year I really felt like I had agood balnce of home and work, this year I feel I'm becoming snowed under with work.

lucycinco did you have to get another job or are you financially able to give up. I don't think we could cope on 1 income and I'm feeling so down on myself I can't think of anothe rjob i could do. Really worried that if I have time off sick, I'll worry even more about what a) i will find on returning to work and b)i'll never want to go back.

Keep trying to tell myself that I am a good teacher and the bad day was just seen by 1 person and only a snapshot. Really want to be strong and face this head on. The person who recognised my mood was also the cause of it and was on a visit to "advise" me on my practice.

who suggested you go visit gp as you lost the spark in your job?

i suggested going to gp to get some time off sick.

I am lucky that we can just about afford for me to stop as we have a bit of a cushion as we have just remortgaged our house. I am starting to do some freelance stuff, signed up with a tutoring agency, doing some stuff on the internet. After christmas I will have to start looking for something. Last year I had to work as ddh was finding it hard to find work in Spain and that was a real pressure, I think now that by him finding work, it took the pressure off but allowed me to think how stressful the whole situation was

You could be right about taking time off sick, I did worry about school a lot of the time and I didnt go back. For me it gave me the time to really know that I couldnt do that job any more and start setting other things up. Good luck, cat me if you would like a private moan.

An advisor who knew me before my pregnancy and thought i was quite good at my job, and has jsut been reassigned to me this year.

Though I was rather cross afterwards as I didn't think I was depressed. The morning in question was an abnormal day and the whole morning just spiralled out to fcontrol. I did tell he rthat. Though she has made no reference to it in the report she sent today.

Perhaps you are angry and confused about the whole work thing Missinformed? I would be. I think it would take me a while to work it out, but if you are low too that is a difficult thing to do, especially as you have indicated that its not the only thing that is bugging you.

Weird thing to say I know, but do you accept you have the right to feel angry? So many people don't and just tuck emotions on a shelf thinking they shouldn't/couldn't be angry.

Mmm... I suppose I do hide and control my anger and don't show it very forcefully. Dh sometimes mocks or gets angry back if i get angry and then i hate confrontation, so back down.

BBy the way thanks so far for all of your advice/chat it ahs helped to put it in some perspective andgot some things off my chest.

Glad to be of some assistance Missinformed. The right to feel angry has been a hot topic with me and a headmistress friend of mine for a while in respect of bullying at school. Often the "bullyee" will just hide and not feel they have a right to feel anger - they are more likely to feel the need to hide and anger is no longer recognised as part of the healing process. (apologies if that sounds a bit hippyish). Sometimes you just have to stamp your foot and go bollocks to it all, this is what I want. Other times you just have to say to yourself "gosh, your presence just made the milk curdle in my fridge. Oh well, Tescos have loads more"

Just thought i would update you.

Am feeling much better since Wednesday, saw the person who had said i should possibly see gp, and she has been a little mroe helpful as to how to make some progress and offeredsupport in my classroom to get me heading in the right direction, so am feeling much more positive depite the ever looming "O" word. Thanks again for all of your time.

Though need to tackle dh about supporting me more in the home, so I don't feel so fraught about home life.

Well thats great Missinformed. Any old hag can be a critic (and there's a plenty on here!) but to criticise constructively and actually offer help is brilliant. Glad you are feeling much better about it. I hope the support continues. How did it come into conversation out of curiosity. Do you think she had re-thought her initial "advice" of going to see your GP or had you said something?

The very same headmistress friend of mine gave me some great advice about managing men. Kind of along the lines of "can you do this", then the next time "can you do this followed by this?" then, "can you do this, followed by this then this?" and after some time of intensive training you can just say "can you do it like you did it last time?"

I caught about 10 minutes of a program once, not so long back, that likened having a man about the house to having a dog - i.e. you have to train them. Fits in with what my friend said. Rowing with them is non-productive as the majority of men think that you shouting at them for stepping over the bag of rubbish that needed taking to the bin only applied to the time there and then. Takes some getting used to at first, if ever. the majority of men don't function the same way women do. (Possibly with the exception of the male posters on Mumsnet who are all excused as they take the time to find out about things about children and discuss household management issues)