Does anyone have experience of Bipolar?

[annabel1972]

Hi

I've been "officially" diagnosed today as having BPD. This term has been mentioned to me before about 8 years ago, and then 4 years ago - but only that I "may" have it. I don't really agree that I have this at all. I have had 2 "hyper - manic" episodes (supposedly - not sure I agree with the terminolgy as may have just been anxiety). I also had 1 depressive episode ten years ago (was post natal) and 4 years ago was suffering from grief but this has been classed as depression on my medical file. So all in all I would say my mental health is pretty good as I have managed for the last 8 years with no medication at all. I have 3 wonderful, happy children, an OKish husband a lovely home and work full time as an accountant so I'm doing pretty OK (in my opinion).

What happens now? Will I go into some kind of system and be forever monitored? Apparently I have to infor DVLA so that means I will have no job! No job means I will also lose my home!!! Do social services get told? Is there any chance I could lose my kids?

Sorry - rambling a bit but am really worried about all this and would love to hear from anyone who knows more about this.

no I always kept working but home life really started to fall apart due to high levels of anxiety and irritabilty towards DH and DCsm In fact I was doing v we'll at work as intense goal driven achievement is a sign of hypomania. All was Ok but then I went manic for a bit and reckless behaviour surfaced. But I kept working even then and am still in same job
I feel quite worried for you Year psych seems to feel you are going up. The havoc wrecked at the crest of my mania - well I wish I could have headed that off. I'm on a miniscule dose of meds with minimal side effects

Arggh! I just typed a massive long reply and then my computer shut itself down for no apparent reason and I lost it all.

handmedown: sorry for the hijack, but has anythign happened with your driving license (assuming you have one)?

annabel: I'm taking quetiapine, along with citalopram and lamotrigine. I had some side effects from the quetiapine (short term memory and craving sugar). I moved from teh extended release to the normal stuff and I was fine. The lamotrigine has been amazing. It's only since starting this that I've realised what 'normal' is. I feel content, calm, focussed, able to deal with stress, relaxed, well rested. In short, I feel like myself. I never realised how much of a struggle life was until I started it. The plan is to eventually just be on the lamotrigine. I'm a full time academic, and have 2 DD's (1 and 4). I've never had time off, apart from recently. I managed to write my PhD whilst depressed, although I now realise just how bad things were. I'd always managed to rationalise it away as down to stress etc.

I think your psych was an idiot for acting in such a threatening manner when he'd just delivered some potentially devastating news. I'm not suggesting that your diagnosis is right. I don't know. Finding the right medication was difficult for me (primarily as it took a while to realise AD's on their own were making me worse.) I'm still glad I went down that route, however. I'd do it again. If you do experience side effects, you shouldn't be forced to stay on the medication. I've certainly always felt in control of how I'm treated (although your psych doesn't seem to take the same approach.)

I've had two bouts of PND. The last one landed me in a mother and baby unit. I've been told that PND is quite a strong indicator for bipolar (not that everyone with PND has bipolar, but, with other symptoms, they're strongly related.)

Finally, I'd recommend the book 'Why am I still depressed'? It's actually about the milder forms of bipolar. I found it very, very useful for helping me to understand my moods. It includes advice on how to settle your moods with lifestyle changes.

Sorry for the errors in my post - I was in a rush!

Thanks for the insights handmedown and don't run.

I still don't think I have it but the pschyc has agreed to let me have a second opinion from the same guy that saw me last time. He didn't think I had it before so hopefuly he will still think the same. The only reason I want this diagnosis removed is the DVLA. Nothing else will change as I've been discharged back to my GP now and she's fine with me not taking anything.

FWIW the CPN that I saw yesterday doesn't think I'm hypermanic. I know she's only seen me on one day but from what the original shrink said on Friday, if it was hypermania I should still have it? He said that, on average, each episode lasts 6-8 months untreated. I appreciate that if I was hypermanic I wouldn't be able to see things logically, so I've done kind of "research" into my behaviour:

1. I've checked into my finances and looked at my spending against my budget (sad i know but this is what I always do). There's nothing amiss at all - I've overspent in some areas, for example I had to buy a new vac as my daughter dropped the old one and it broke. But then in other areas I was under. So overall, over the last 2 months my spending is actually down by £100. So I can't have been reckless here.
2. I've checked the times spent on particular jobs against the exact same work last year. There's really no noticeable difference. One job was massively over but that was because the client completely changed their bookkeeping system so it wasn't really comparable.
3. I pass about 5 or 6 speed cameras on my way to work - no speeding tickets (or parking etc )
4. I have had no affairs or flirtations or anything.
5. I don't gamble and never had.
6. Checking my diary the childen seem to have the same level of "activities" as usual. Same number of sleepovers, friends for tea, family days. All seems pretty much as usual.
7. None of my family or close friends have any worries over my behaviour. My husband said I'd been "nagging" more than usual - that's entirely because it's summer and I still don't have a garden 'cos he abandoned the project for about 2 months. And the garden's the only thing I've "nagged" about.

I think I might take my budget spreadsheets and evidence of my timesheets to the new Pshyc. He may think I've got OCD possibly but I think it's a pretty good indication of my behaviour being consistently anal.

Sorry - name changed as other name was too identifying!

And thank you for the book recommendation - I will order that as I do need to make some lifestyle changes.

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I saw my CPN today and asked specifically about the bipolar 'issue.' Apparently it's been suggested that I might be bipolar, but there's been no conclusive diagnosis. The only thing that's really indicates it is that I went hypomanic when I was on AD's, and - as I said earlier - my psych said that doesn't count as a genuinely hypomanic episode.

In terms of your checklist, I would say that my hypomanic episodes would not have placed any 'ticks' there. I never acted in a reckless/endangering way. Rather, the episodes have largely been related to a lack of focus; so many things swirling around my head that I couldn't focus on any of them. I would also have music playing in my head constantly. I'm assuming this has never been the case for you. (They lasted for as long as I was on a higher dose of AD. As soon as it was reduced, this stopped.)

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make (very badly) is that the people I'm seeing are in absolutely no rush to push a bipolar diagnosis, for which I'm very grateful. It sounds to me like your psychiatrist is taking a much different approach. Good luck; I hope everything works out well.

I've not had any music in my head - no.

I'm not sure about the lack of focus in all honesty - my ironing pile is pretty huge, but then 90% of the time it is. Also my house could do with a damn good clear out - but that's been the case for years really. I would have thought if I lacked focus, my jobs at work would have taken longer? Things are getting done on time (things such as bills paid on time, my own companys vat and tax returns etc, we always have clean, ironed clothes in the morning etc), but I just have a general feeling that it's all too bloody much. My jobs list never seems to go down, and I'm sick to death of everything being my responsibilty - childcare, cleaning, cooking, laundry, food shopping, parents evening, homework, kids activities - everything really. I am married but I honestly feel like a single parent.

But surely everyone feels like this from time to time?

I have experience of bipolar,although at first I was diagosed with puperal psychosis (despite my symptoms having started before i was pregnant )

I must say, I'm on lamotrigine, and the side effects have been v mild - a bit of muscle stiffness and a dry mouth, and compared to anti psychotics and even anti depressants or tranquillers or sleeping pills, they are nothing. Not sure they are doing anything tbh, but that's another matter...

Ginger: it's tough to figure this out. If you feel well, why worry? However, you don't sound like you feel well - it sounds like something is not right.

I don't think that the state of your house is anything other than a reflection of the fact you have a lot to do (it sounds very much like mine.) To be honest, it sounds like you first port of call is to sort out your home life. I used to do a lot more of the housework than my husband, but having a second kid + me being so poorly afterwards actually helped him to realise he needs to take a consistently equal share. I'm still the one who buys presents for birthday parties, remembers his Mum's birthday etc etc, but everything else is split very equally.

Having read that book I suggested, I think that I am on the very, very edge of the bipolar spectrum - so much so that the hypomanic end of this never manifested itself until I took Ad's for the first time. They made things X100 times worse. Now I'm on lamotrigine I feel great. I would say that my problems before all of this happened was low grade depression. The times when I was 'depressed' was mostly to do with energy levels. I didn't really 'think' like a depressed person (ie lots of negative thoughts), but I would feel like I was wading through mud. I could sleep 12 hours a day and still feel utterly exhausted. I didn't have the energy to do anything. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and tell everyone to leave me alone. I still did all of my usual work, but it was painful to keep going.

I sat down and took an honest look at the last 10 years of my life, and saw that I have cycled between feeling like this and feeling very well (sleeping 8 hours a night and feeling well rested, being happy to get out of the house and see people etc.) There was no apparent reason for these shifts in energy.

So....er... what was my point? I suppose that don't let this 'diagnosis' make you dig your heels in and insist that there's absolutely wrong. It's possible that you're a 'little bit' bipolar, or that you are suffering from low-grade depression and all of this talk of hypomania is cr@p, or it might just be the stress of your home life that's taking its toll.

I'm sorry if I'm going on and on, but I really do feel for you. I've spent the last 6 months feeling confused, angry, sad and everything else over this bipolar question. Reading that book helped me to understand things better, and realise that lifestyle changes could be enough, in time, to keep me well.

I don't hink you're going on don't run - I really appreciate the time you're taking to tell me about your own experiences.

You are right - I am definitely not well. I do think it's anxiety though as I have pretty much all the symtoms for this. I am sleeping OK - I'm getting about 7 hours sleep a night. I would prefer to get 8 but my youngest daughter had been getting into bed with me at 6 lately as I think the light mornings are waking her up much earlier. It's a bit hard to tell her off though when she's stroking my face and gazing adoringly at me!

I would love to sort out my home life but I just can't see a way. My husband works away Monday to Friday so he can't really do anything at all to help. At the weekends I would rather he do the DIY jobs that I can't do, so that really rules him out as a helper. I'm hopeful that once youngest starts school I will be able to afford to buy more help, but that's another year off.

I've never really been depressed. I've had the odd day when I feel I can't be bothered doing anything, but I do still force myself to get up and go to work etc. But, it is only the odd day - I know I will always feel better the next day. Apart from the recent insomnia where my sleep was reduced to 5-6 hours (this lasted about 4 days I think) I've not had problems with my sleep. Generally get 7-8 hours per night, and this has been pretty constant.

My weight is fairly constant and my sex drive is constant.

The doctor I am being referred to is someone I trust as I saw him 4 years ago, so if he comes back with the same diagnosis I guess I would (reluctantly) have to accept the diagnosis. Lomotrogine was one of the drugs offered, but I have a feeling that I have has this before and it was the one that I had a bad alergic reaction to. I probably wouldn't take the drugs, and I have been told that I don't have to. I worry about the long term affect on my health as well as the more immediate side affects to be honest. I also feel that it's not worth it as, even if I do have bi-polar, I've been well for the last 8 years apart from this recent blip.

Ah, that's tough. I guess the only solution is getting a cleaner, but I have the same problem that we can't afford one until our childcare costs go down. (DD1 also starts school in a year.)

I just wondered why you'd tried lamotrigine before (if it was that)?

Havnt read all the thread as I'm in a rush so sorry I'd this doesn't help. My mil has bi-polar and has done for years. She is a teacher, drives everywhere and lives a fairly normal life. I have seen her at her worst and she copes. She is an incredible, independent woman. If your diagnosis is that tour bi-polar your life doesnt have to change

Thanks blackcoffee. I know its just a name really as whatever is wrong I've always been this way so nothing really changes.

dontrun - I had an anti-pshycotic 8 years ago. My GP thought I was hypermanic and prescribed them but when I got the reaction 3 days later she said she shouldn't have prescribed them and not to take them. I got referred to a phsyciatrist and it was then diagnosed as an alcohol enduced pshycosis as I'd been to Barcelona and drunk quite a lot of green fairy absinthe which is linked to pshycosis.

It's not looking good for me is it...

I do agree that their have been certain indicators. I just think that I've had all my symptons squashed into a mold that doesn't quite fit.

Did you seek help voluntarily??? I am Bipolar and what I know is that a Psychiatrist can put you in a hospital against your will if they feel you may be a danger to yourself or others. HOWEVER, it is NEVER good to lie to your Psychiatrist because then you can't get the right medications to help you. Also, if you go to a hospital voluntarily, they can also make you stay, without your consent, if they believe the same problem applies. I cut myself good - the 1st time I never went to the hospital but the 2nd time I had to - it was too huge and bloody! I had to volunteer to stay in the mental ward for a week, or else they would make me. They said it would look better if I volunteered. It wasn't so bad. It's only for your own good and to learn about yourself. You sound as though you are new to this, even though you say you "may" have had it in the past. Once it's diagnosed, a doctor can make you go into treatment.

I haven't read all of these posts in detail to be honest, and whilst not wanting to ignore important parts, something did jump out at me. My friend has recently had a lot of anxiety, poor sleep, very over sensitive, feelings of too much going on, had masses of energy yet periods of extreme fatigue. Her GP gave her a blood test and turns out it was an over-active thryoid!! For some reason can really affect your hormome balance, make you very manic also. They have given her betablockers and she's much better. Not meaning to trivialise what is going on for you but could this be worth a thought?

I too have three children and a busy career, I like to think I'm not depressed, but certainly think it's normal to feel over-whelmed by the whole running a house, taking care of three kids, having a career etc etc! x

I am bi polar, was diagnosed last year. I was really upset to start with, but actually now it is a relief. I know what it is that makes me weird sometimes!

I was never told to.inform the dvla, and so never have. I take lithium and it has helped me enormously.

hsurp - I sought help voluntarily. I went to my GP as I was really anxious and she referred me to the mental health team. I've never lied to anyone - have been far to honest if anything...

hangonasec - I was tested for overactive thyroid 4 years ago so unfortunately it's not that.

I've got an appointment for a second opinion on 17th June. I do feel a lot better now. I've been taking natracalm tablets and the anxious feeling has completely gone and I'm sleeping well now. The mental health team have discharged me back to the care of my GP so I'm feeling a lot more positive now. Everyone is happy for me to make my own decisions about medication. I know the pshyciatrist would have preferred me to take an anti-pshycotic but at least he respected my decision not to.

If the second opinion backs up the first then, I will accept the diagnosis. I have a lot of respect for the second pshyciatrist as I have seen him before. The last time I saw him he did not recommend any medication as his opinion was that I was coping fine without. He monitored me throughout my pregnancy and for a few months after the birth and thought I probably didn't have BP as I didn't get post natal depression. If he now feels that I do, then I will accept his opinion. It won't really matter anyway as nothing is really going to change for me. I am taking better care of myself as I do accept that there is something not quite right but I am focussing on the anxiety and trying to improve this.

Glad to hear that you're feeling better, ginger. I'm sure that being aware of any potential problems and looking after yourself is a massive part of staying well (at least for those who suffer relatively mild mental health problems.)

Hi practically. That was my experience too. Not told to inform DVLA so didn't. Really well on meds and grateful for them. Life so much better now I feel normal even though I didn't know I didn't feel normal - if that makes sense

I have not suffered prejudice, and have had conversations with psych about having another baby. The way I see it, it is a condition like diabetes- life long, needs controlling with medication and lifestyle.

Just thought I'd update this thread as I've had my second opinion now and I DO NOT have bipolar. So I don't need to inform the DVLA, or give up my job, or be medicated against my wishes.

Just goes to show how difficult mental heath issues are to diagnose when I've had two very different views and two very different recommendations for treatment. I'm so glad I challenged this diagnosis and can now put it all behind me...