don't know how to help my DP

[notlaughingnow]

I think my DP has been depressed for years.

I've tried to get him to talk to the doctor but he won't. He is very stubborn on this. He has past bad eperiences of seeing GPs about his mood. He says he will be OK if he get a job. He hasn't had one for 2 years.

The pressure is on as I am pregnant and about to go on maternity leave. He has been crying today and says he feels like a failure. I feel so helpless.

Sometimes recently I wake in the night and find him awake or crying. My heart is breaking for him. He feels lost and doesn't know how to change. He wants a change of career but doesn't know what to. He has been trying to get into his last line of work with little success as he has too long a gap.

I am lost to know how to help him.He is such a perfectionist and punishes himself so badly. I really need help.

His family are no use on this. They just think he has nothing to be unhappy about.

As he been prescribed any medication OP?

I think you have to take charge here. Just as if you found him unconscious, you would ask for help, when you find him crying at night, you should, too.

I had to tell my husband that if he didn't seek help, I would file for divorce. I told him I would go to the doctor and explain everything and then make an appointment for him. My doctor was good - listened to everything and made notes. It meant that when my husband went to see him, he didn't have to start from scratch. It can be very upsetting to explain depression to someone - it nearly always makes people cry and they're frightened of losing control.

He will be glad you've helped him, don't worry. Just have a 'taking-charge' attitude and tell him you will help sort it all out.

thanks I have realised this is what I have to do.

he isn't on medication

Oh NLN - feel so sorry for your DH and you. I know the horror of depression (still struggling to recover from a severe episode last Easter and 3 months in psych ward (I have many fluctuations) many good days but also bad ones and when they come, I cry and feel ashamed of myself. Atswim is right, y0u have to take control here because when we are depressed we can't make decisions or feel in control. If it's severe we can feel like aliens on the planet and that everyone else is bathed in sunshine and we are under an awful black cloud.

So I think you must make an appt for him with GP and go along with him and explain his symptoms if he is unable to. Most GPs have a checklist for the major symptoms of depression i.e. sad mood, bouts of crying, inability to concentrate, loss of interest/motivation in things, suicidal thoughts etc. They will almost certainly prescribe ADs but they take between 2 and 4 weeks to kick in, and because they act differently on different people you sometimes have to try a couple before you get the right one for you. Mostly now they prescribe one of the SSRIs - sertraline or citalopram.

Please help your DH not to feel bad or angry with himself. This is an illness but unfortunately it is a very deceitful illness because it makes us believe things about ourself that are not true.

You sound very caring so that will help your DH enormously.