Hi all, I don't want to waste the health visitors time, but does this sound like mild pnd or is it nothing like pnd and completely normal and am I just being oversensitive?
sometimes (not always at all) I feel shit. I feel that DD deserves a better mother. I cry sometimes, I can't talk to anyone about this. I know I have nothing to be sad about, DD is fabulous, when I look at what we do together, messy babies, baby gym, massage, baby groups, signing, singing her songs, I think logically these are good things and I am an ok mum. So why do I feel down.
It's not every day, some days I feel on top of the world, but I was thinking today and realised I've felt this way for around 3 months, maybe more. Sometimes I want to stamp and smash things and that makes me feel scared and spoilt. I know i have everything i could ever need, its not as if i'm living in a depressing area, everything is fine on paper.
I hear criticism everywhere even if it's not meant, even stupid little things like someone at a baby group turning DDs Cardigan sleeves up, I think "are you saying I can't dress her properly", or suggesting I sit on a playmat rather than on the floor (which I was on because there was no room on the mat and because if I moved, DD wouldn't be near the other babies who were there), I think "I can't even sit in the right place, I'm so crap". I suppose I should tell the health visitor but I don't want to waste her time, it's not as if I'm suicidal, I feel as if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, being a drama queen but at the same time, I would love not to feel like this anymore.
I can't tell DH because he'd tell me not to be silly and that ive got nothing to feel down about and maybe buy me some chocolate.
A few weeks ago when I was feeling down and took DD for a walk, he noticed but didn't mention it to me and then I overhear a phone call "oh yes, we sorted it out" I ask "sorted what out", he says I was in a mood with him. Didnt ask me, just assumed it was him and then told his mates. So i Cant talk to him.
I feel as if all the other mums are better mums and have it all sorted, but I feel lost.
I'm ashamed I feel like this because DD is such a lovely baby, it's not as if she's at all difficult, doesn't scream for hours or anything like that, I really really really shouldn't be like this.
Thanks very much for reading, feel fraudulent now as I feel better for having typed it out.