Anyone want to shove on the virtual kettle for a quickie?

[frumpygrumpy]

I could just use a quick shoulder to lean on.

Fast chat:
had depression 10 years+
up and down
counselling twice
reluctantly agreed to Prozac a year ago
was good
then was very average and wanted to stop
separated from long term partner at Christmas after discussion for 6 months
stopped pills, suddenly, a month ago (didn't mean to stop suddenly but I don't want to start them again because I get terrible side effects and really I think I should stick to cold turkey as I want them out of my system, I never wanted to be on them as I totally disagree with masking over the symptoms, I want to know WHY I get this and fix the real problem
feeling really, really awful
have cancelled trainer
have cancelled counsellor
eating crap
drinking much too much
trying to avoid people at all times and costs
a bitch at home, my poor kids
have zero energy and could sleep for days and days
last night stopped relationship with wonderful man because I can't bear to make him a part of my life the way I am

I am sick of being like this
I am sick of pills
I am sick of talking about it
I am sick of never getting anywhere - leave A, travel to B, pop in on C, train back to A

I want to get better
I want to do it naturally
I want to do it on my own because I will feel I have fixed myself and that is important to me

I am at a total loss to how to pick myself up again.

How do you think cancelling counsellor, training and pills are going to help?
It's like saying I've broken my leg, I'm not having x-rays, plaster cast and physio, I'll just sort it out myself by walking on it anyway - oh ouch it hurts.

I think you need to wake up and accept that no one likes to be on anti-depressants but that for most people they do work. Yes they may mask symptoms but in doing so they can bring you to a place where you can work on the real problem in counselling, or even self help if you prefer. They are a tool, and can be a really useful one.

And with respect it is bloody nonsense to say you want to do it on your own so you can say that you fixed yourself. If you've had any serious counselling/therapy you will know that that involves fixing yourself and doing it yourself, with guidance.

So in summary it is time to wake up, get to docs, ask for Ads other than prozac if the side effects are so bad (eg citalopram) then un-cancel counsellor, get fresh air every day, cook at least one healthy meal every day. That is the way to fix yourself.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I've been very un-fixed myself and needed repeat wake-up calls so speak from some experience. And i do think you need a reality check.

I agree with madmouse

But will put the kettle on and give you a hug.

I'm on tablets and i have had counciling but i'm not better yet, i just think every thing will change and i just need to wait it out and do the best i can right now. I have even joined a gry and started a weight loss programe but then i got pg again and now i'm back at step 1 but at least i have learned skills to cope and how to be a better person so i'm hopeing i will not go down so far this time.

Things change with time but sometimes its good to make the changes yourself.

Pick one thing that upsets you and change that - start small and celeabrate changing or over coming them.

*gym

I came off lamotragine (bipolar antidepressant) late last summer with the agreement of my psychiatrist because they weren't working and I wanted to know what my underlying symptoms were. (I have a snaking suspicion that I am mis-diagnosed.) He made sure I had the support of a CPN as well though. I was prepared to go back on medication but only once I had discovered what my unmedicated self was like.

After initially remaining very depressed there was some improvement earlier this year, but then I became depressed again. I think this is what I am like as have been mainly like it most of my life :(

So this is the main symptom for me that needs treating. I have gone back on paraxotine, which worked well for me a few years ago, and after 3 or so weeks am noticing a marked improvement. This suggests that my problem may well be some sort of biochemical imbalance.

I have spent years trying to address 'underlying problems' but when you are depressed lots of things seem as if they may be the underlying problem.

Now I am not necessarily saying this is the case for you, but just pointing out that for some people it may well be that brain chemicals may need adjusting.

Thank you very much ladies x.

Madmouse, I appreciate the wake up call. Feel very alone with it at the mo, its so wearing to feel you've been trying and trying and trying and that nothing is actually getting you there. But you are right. Unless I chip away, nothing will change.

LBB, today I will clear out the big cupboard that hacks me off bit time! And thank you for the cuppa.

MS, clearly I need to do more research.........I thought all depression/ADs were chemical balances/imbalances? Food for thought.

I think you know what you need to do.

I don't have much experience with Ad's but I do know that drinking too much makes things worse and makes you feel like shit.

It's a depressant (alcohol) so that's one thing you can seriously cut down or stop to make yourself feel better when you wake up.

I'm having a cuppa with you. I feel like crap today too.

Sorry, the feeling crap bit I should have left out. I'm not depressed but just slightly down. Sorry!

No apologies for feeling crap! Just because you're not depressed and feeling crap doesn't mean you are not worthy!!!!

Well it's just you said you wanted to find out WHY as if you thought there was perhaps an underlying issue you had to address.

Ta for tea. Not feeling quite so crap now as have done a bit of tidying.
Have you done that cupboard yet? Do it, do it!