Feel close to breakdown

[alwaysblue]

I've had quite a tough couple of years, with lots of major life changes and upheavals. (ending of long term relationship, unplanned pregnancy, moving house 3 times) I've struggled a lot with low feelings over that time (am reluctant to call it depression), now im at the stage where I feel im one step away from a breakdown. I hate my job, im worried about money, my relationship is often stormy, i feel like im letting my ds down, i hate the new place we've just moved to. im on the verge of tears most of the time and do cry often, im in a bad mood a lot of the time and find it hard to feel happy or excited about things.
i dont know what to do. im thinking about going to my gp and asking for anti-d's but i dont know if im depressed as i can pretend and put on a happy face some times

always- that is a lot to deal with, anyone would struggle.
If you have to pretend, then that would suggest it is becoming depression- maybe it is time to have a chat with your GP.

Do you have anyone in rl you can chat with? Not necessarily to talk about the big stuff, but just to have conversation?

nerf - thanks. thankyou just for acknowleding it is a lot to deal with.

i have spoken to a friend and said im finding things a bit hard but not really revealed the extent. i had three counselling sessions earlier this year and they were good, but to some extent i feel i dont want to talk about thinigs. i spend so much time wallowing in my own mind , i just want to avoid talking about it if i can

In that case you need distraction techniques- whatever it is that you enjoy, or lifts your mood.

Can you take any exercise (allowing for childcare)? Even a brisk walk each evening after dinner with an ipod on maybe will allow you to switch off and sift out the negative stuff (or if you do want to mull over stuff, silence).

I hate running, but I do feel good afterwards- sometimes taking care of my body allows me to take care of my soul IYSWIM.

Making a few friends locally might help, by giving you something different to focus on. Do you like reading- a reading group can be a good place to find people, or a sports group (killing 2 birds with 1 stone).

How old is your DS? You're not letting him down- you're trying to do something positive, which is great.

I'm confused- you said relationship breakdown then said your relationship is rocky?

Thanks nerf. I did a course a little while ago and felt good about that. I do feel quite isolated as I live abroad and don't have my family here and have only a few friends. It's quite hard to make new friends for me, I don't know why I'm quite chatty really. I'm working full time too so it's hard to ind time for extras after work and the baby and the house are looked after. He's fourteen months. I try hard to be positive but find theres always something drags me down . I do appreciate your taking the time to reply

Allgone - it's a different relationship. Split up with ex few months later started seeing someone new, then fell pregnant

Just to say that you should not use your ability to put a brave face on as a measurement for your depression. Most of us can keep a brave face on no matter how we are feeling. The mask seems to be the last thing to crack.