I've decided to try therapy. How do I go about finding a therapist?

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I've come to the conclusion that I need to tackle issues from my childhood that have left me leading a life shackled by a sense of innate worthlessness that n amount of achievment has allowed me to shake.

I have suffered with social anxiety for most of my life. I was probably born with a temperament most likely to be affected by unempathetic parenting, but sadly that's what i got from one parent. Controlling, maniupaltive, demanding, angry, teasing name-calling, short-tempered, over-critical. Not an extremely terrible childhood at all, but my personality has been affected and I recently realised that what I suffer from is deep-rooted shame and so nothing that I do well in my life, nor any rational thought that I am a decent person, can override the deafult worthlessness that makes me act accordingly. There were also two incidents of peer rejection when I was a teenager, young-adult which have added to all of this.

I've had episodes of taking ADs. I've read every self-help book going. But I've come to the conclusion the only way I may begin to shed some of this shame and bolster my self-esteem, is to get proper, professional therapy.

Does anyone know the best way to go about this? I can afford to pay privately if it is not too much. I'd prefer my DH not to know, initially (probably due to part of the shame I feel!) Is there an organisation to find a decent therapist that is skilled and experienced in dealing with my specific kind of problem? Would MIND be able to help? Has anyone had any experience of counselling to deal with poor self-esteem/shame/social anxuety and what was the outcome?

Speak to your doctor first, they may be able to suggest someone.

There is bcap - the register of accredited counselling professionals.

I think you are right about therapy - I've needed it for comparable issues and it has been very helpful and life changing. I do firmly believe that you need to tell your dh right from the beginning. Therapy starts with you and making changes and you need to break this shame. He needs to know, also because if the therapy works you will change and he will need to change with you.

Thank you. What sort of counselling did you have? For how long?

I suppose I don't want to tell my husband incase he is sceptical. If I start and can testify it is helping, then that will be better.

I was referred for counselling on the NHS following a diagnosis of PTSD due to a combination of a traumatic start to ds's life, sexual abuse memories returning during labour and bonding issues with my mum becoming obvious. I had 14 sessions with an NHS psychotherapist largely to stabilise me. When my session were finished I had another year of person centred counselling via s specialised charity that supports adults survivors of child sexual abuse.

Person centred counselling and psychotherapy may both work for you as may psychodynamic therapy. In this case, avoid CBT as this is for here and now strategies and problem solving, not for digging into the past.

I do think you just need to tell your husband and expect him to be supportive. Break that cycle of shame - seeking to be stronger and happier and a more rounded person is nothing to be ashamed of.

Thank you.

So, what will a therapist be able to do? I've never had therapy so have no idea how it works. I'm pretty self-aware so I don't think I need anyone to make the connections between why I feel and act the way I do with what occurred to me when I was growing up. I've made that connection myself. What does the therapist and all their training, add?

I was self aware too and able to link the facts from the past to the facts of my current difficulties - what I couldn't do is allow myself to deal with the feelings from the past and also accept myself as I was - therapist helped with that. Helped with shaping my now and my future.

Also, you may be self aware but you will be surprised what a good therapist will pick up on that you haven't..

sounds like you are ready for therapy I can tell you of organisations that can help in the essex area and courses that can sometimes be of benefit too.

Thank you. I'm hopeful that a good therapist could do something that I am not able to alone.

Sark2. I'm not too far from the Essex border. Which part of Essex are these organisations? Any recommendations would be wonderful.