I really need help.Anyone got time to listen?Please.

[mollyt]

I have had depression on and off for 20 years.I have been on a downward spiral for a while and completely crashed this morning.I am so crippled with sadness and depression that I literally can't get out of bed.My partner just took my dd to school and we managed to get dd2 into nursery for the day as I literally can not cope with my own child today.So many days I have lay in bed/on the sofa and cried whilst dd2 has had to wander round the house which isn't right is it?? I take loads of time off work and say it's due to chilren being ill when really I can not get out of the house so have used up my annual leave in this way.I am taking citalopram and thyroxine and evening primrose and vit b and fish oils.I have been running - I run and cry at the same time.In short I do loads to fight this fucking horrible illness but there is no escape for me.I am hideously lonely - I know hundreds of folk but it seems that only in a superficial ,pass the time of day, talk about kids sort of way. My cousin killed himself over Easter and was buried yesterday which added to this current hideos period of feeling crap.Thanks for listening.

I think you should go back to the GP and get your meds changed, they are not working. You have to find the meds that work for you. I went through 5 kinds before hitting on something that worked x

Sounds really horrible. Lubeybooby is right - go back to GP and get meds changed. You should not be suffering like this. See if you can get a doctors appointment today - usually emergency ones to be had and I think it sounds like you need one.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sounds like things are pretty rough right now. I agree though, get back to the GP and get your pills changed. They're obviously not enough for you. ring the dr's now and explain to the receptionist that you need to see a dr TODAY

Yes definitely back to the doctors - get your dp to ring and arrange an emergency appointment for today.

Ask for counselling too, not just medication, and quite possibly for the support of the community mental health team.

You need to take the severity of your symptoms seriously for the sake of your dc

phoned gp but by the time i had got through and spoken to cow on reception I had lost the plot and hung up.I am going to up my citalopram and try again when less rough i think.

If your citalopram is not working at all I would counsel against upping the dose without medical advice.

There is a reason why I asked you to get your dp to call for you - when you are feeling this bad you are not going to stand up for yourself and demand the appointment that you need.

In this area, public can self-refer to the Community Health Crisis Team in an emergency, which would be easier than dealing with a receptionist, if you can find (or ask?) their number. Hope there is something similar where you are, as it does seem you need something better than the drugs you have, and soon.
Could you maybe have a cup of tea then try telephoning again? Best of luck.

So sorry you are feeling so bad. Have you ever been assessed by a consultant psychiatrist because it does sound as though the meds aren't working for you. Maybe they could be changed or something added to to them. Also you are obviously coping with a job and 2 young children, so you are probably exhausting. I know how horrid depression is and I too have spent many times over the last year lying on the sofa, or bed, completely unmotivated to do anything. Fortunately my kids are grown now. Do you work full time or part time. Could the little one go to nursery more often to get you through this rough patch.

Sending warm wishes.

thank you all - have been down the psychiatric/counselling roadmany times and found it less than usless.I did speak to a duty dr and she agreed I need t up my meds. (no my dp isn't around to phone madmouse)
she also offered to sign me off sick but I think if I go down that route i'll never go back to work. I work part time in a good job,v flexible and just down the road/I feel I should think myself lucky but my heart isnt in it.My dd2 has been at nursery today but i can't fork out over 40 quid every time i wake up feeling like I can't cope .
What does everyone else do in this position??

are you suicidal?

at 6am this morning yes, now no.

Hi Molly - you poor thing. You're right it is totally and utterly horrible and you dont deserve to feel like that. No one does. Dont give up on finding the right soluton for you. Just because citalopram doesnt work for you doesnt mean another one wont. When i first had PND - i was on about 6 different ones until i found one that was ok.

Keep posting on this board. there are loads of supportive people on here and most of us have had experience of depression.

Take care and be really kind to yourself - and i know its complete cliche - but one day at a time x

Sorry you're having such a rough time-depression is debilitating and tests you more than you ever want to be tested. firstly, listen to the advice re meds - insist this is reviewed as a priority. Have you exhausted all forms of therapy? Some are more constructive than others so don't rule things out totally. I also think it's only as good as the relationship you have with your therapist so it pays to look around if you can.

A lot of issues relating to depression,PND and anxiety are bourne of thee expectations we have of ourselves. Again, it's cliche time but take the pressure off, deal with one thing at a time and take really teeny steps.

It can be a devastatingly lonely place to be but take heart - posters here understand the situation you're in. I find it's always reassuring to know you're never alone.

Keep posting and be kind to yourself.

What I do on a bad day is add a Berocca tablet (the film-coated kind) to my cocktail of drugs, call a friend for a chat if possible, arrange something nice to look forward to and remind self this is just one bad day to get through.

Getting some fresh air always helps, (whispers) so does chocolate.

what lovely kind mummies you are!!! thank you all - spoke to a gp yesterday and upped my drugs,arranged and thyroid blood test and sorted a counsellor for next week.also my lovely chum had both girls so i could rest my poor head so feeling washed out but a bit more hopeful today.thanks again all for advice and support.xx