My Sister, please send some support (long)

[Coffeeisking]

My younger sister is 21, We grew up with a toxic mother who neither of us have contact with. Dsis has had no relationship for 6 years. Out of the 2 of us she has been the one to struggle most. our mother seems to always be able to contact her with late night silent or abusive phone calls as Dsis always hand her number to our mothers exH so she can have contact with our younger sis whos only 13.

Dsis has always been a major wildchild, with heavy drinking, drugs, bad choices, and generally fucking her life up on a regular basis. I have always helped her and been there for her without question and always will do.

We have all known she is unwell and i have suspitions (sp) that she could be bi-polar. Last year we finally managed to get her to move back to our home town so i could be there for her on a more active level and try to get her more stable. Things havent been very easy.

We found a bedsit for her, she got into a relationship with another tenant there which ended in him beating her up after 7 months together (luckily his is now long gone!) and shes still been getting calls from mother. Last week she was told our mother had tries to see her at her work and that she left a present for her 21st birthday.

I think my sister is struggling a lot more without our mother than she is letting on, she overly protests about how much she doesnt care about her, she wishes she was dead, and she still feels that mother owes us (so has excepted the birthday present)

Recently she has been struggling to cope with life, has started drinking heavily again working all hour she is given, and i can see her falling again . she is putting it all down to struggling with the split with her violent ex but i suspect is down to our mother. I keep telling her to go to the doctor but she fobs me off and then forgets. if i bring up her issue about mother she flips at me screaming that she doesnt care.

She has just text me saying shes had a nervous breakdown at work and asks me 'whats wrong with me?' I feel i know whats wrong but i cant say. i just hope this time she will get herself to the doctor.

I just wish our mother would just leave Dsis alone! I have had enough of her toxicness still having an effect on our life!

Why can't you say?

Dh ahs MH isues at times and in the apst I have had to face him down and pretty much force him to get help with him swearing all is OK (we now have an agreement that if I say then he has to visit GP if I send him).

it's not easy but I do think finding a way to raise concerns would be worth doing. This si where the intrenet and places like MN come in invaluabel: I heard about someone who ahd the smae issue on MN she said....; I found this great website (MIND?), it suggests.......

Hope you find a way and good luck X

Thank you for your reply peachy, I was worried about bringing up our mother for fear that my sister would explode.

But there was no need to worry, we had a talk today. she initailly (sp) put her recent feelings down to her break up with the violent ex, but i said to her that ill tell her what i think is going on.

I told her i think she is defering her feelings about our mother to her break up because she wont allow herself to feel upset about mum. she then broke down in tears and agreed. sshe explained that she did miss her and doesnt understand how her own mother could be like she is with us.

I explained that its ok to feel like this and she agreed to seek help. im lucky to have my mil who works for m.i.n.d so we know what services are availible to my sister (not many anymore!)

So im hoping that she will follow this through and she hasnt just told me what she thinks i want to hear! only time will tell.

(sorry for any typo's)