could this really be pnd

[stdorothymantooth]

I have a 15 week old son, after a horrendous pregnancy traumatic birth and now chronic colic that seems to have gone on since day one.
My hv 'diagnosed' me with pnd and suggested I make an appointment to see the doctor I have my appointment this afternoon. I don't know how this happened to me.
Sometimes when he cries (which he does alot) I break down and just want to scream I really struggle to cope.
I break down every time I realise I go back to work in 8 weeks and I would have spent all maternity leave trying unsuccessfully to stop my baby from crying.
Sometimes I think that he will ne better with another mummy who would make him happy (something I'm failing to do)
I'm so scared that if I tell anyone I can't cope they will take him from me. I'm so scared of losing him I worry over every bump and scratch and I can't sleep at night unless I can hear him breathing in the basket next to me.
How did this happen to me??? I'm terrified of my appointment I'm case they take him away or I end up being medicated.

Didn't want you to go unanswered. From your description, I can see why your HV would like you to get checked out for PND. Please don't be frightened of the appointment - it could be the start of things getting better.

They?re not going to take him away, pill you up or consider you a bad Mum ? honestly.

You?ll probably feel a whole lot better after the appointment, even if just for having talked about what?s worrying you and got it all out of your system.

From what you have said, it does sound like it could be

I promise you, going to the dr will not have your DC taken from you. They will get you the help you need to get better.

I was like you, didn't want medicating, and I fought for 6 long months, spent most days crying and upset that I couldn't settle him. Then I got a new HV and she was fab. She explained it to me in a way that helped me understand. If you had a broken leg, would you go and get it sorted? Of course you would, and mental illness is no different. Its caused by a chemical inbalance, and taking the pills helps correct that. Having the medication does not make you weak or useless and they won't stop you looking after your DC.

It WILL get better, and you WILL be able to enjoy your son, and soon

Am concerned about your fear thta they will take him away. That is not true.
test
Try the test and see what it says.
People underestimate how awful it is to have a baby who creis and cries and cries. Ds2 was like this, so I do understand.
What does your dh, your mum and your best friend think ?
You probably need some more practical support, among other things.
Can you put him in a gym creche, or have your mum look after him, just for a bit to give you a break ?
Let us know how it goes with GP.

OP - this does sound like PND. The reason I think this is because your experiences sound similar to mine. My HV was hopeless and kept telling me I was fine until I plucked up the courage to go to the doctor when my DD was 15 months old and just broke down in her office. I was prescribed citalopram and didn't want to take them but they helped me get back on an even keel. Don't be scared of anti-depressants, sometimes they are necessary to correct your brain chemistry. I had counselling (was diagnosed with PTSD too after a horrible birth) and am now almost off citalopram and feel like myself at last after 2 years.

I hope your doctor is helpful and I wish you all the best x

i too was in your situation when i had my son,i wouldnt be scared of getting some anti depressants. its just a relief to take away this horrible feeling. on the grand scheme of things if you can get through the next few months feeling "normal" after taking a wee pill then does it really matter. its the chemicals in your head that are out of whack, not you! you are not a bad mum and babies are bloody hard work and its around the 15 week mark that the tiredness hit me. I didnt have any family support when i had my sons so it was only me and i had to get on with it- and citalopram really helped!i came off them and then went back on them after the birth of my second son.
They wont take the baby off you-they just want you to feel better! honest- i promise it will be ok!xxxxxxxxxxxx

oblomov I can't open the link as on the net on my phone if its the Edinburgh scale I did that with my hv and got a score of 18.

Unfortunately my family live about 150 miles away so pretty much just me and Dh who works full time x

Hi stdorothymantooth,

I could have posted your post 2 years ago. My DS had bad colic - he screamed for 16 weeks - and it was unbearably hard work. I anxiously checked him constantly and fretted over the slightest bit of "evidence" that the professionals might use to take him away.

I too was scared to go on AD's but they worked. And I was only on them for 6 months, this was enough for me. I hope you get the help you deserve. x

Dorothy if you got a score of 18 then that is quite high. My score was very low, but I sure was crying. My diabetes went mad, ds2 never slept and screamed and screamed with colic, and ds1 had what now turns out to be Aspergers. No bloody wonder I was struggling. I did take AD's. But they did nothing for me.
But they may do for you. I suspect they might. And what harm can be done ? If they don't work, other areas will need to be looked into. Infact other areas should be looked into anyway.
I too had no family. But you do need some sort of break. What does your dh suggest re ways to actually make things easier for you ?

oblomov sorry for the delayed reply, Dr put me on cilatopram not starting it til weekend though as heard side effects can be pretty brutal for a bit and so need Dh here just in case. He has suggested doing some form of counselling together and he's going to try to do more.
He also agrees with the health visitor that a phased return to work might help as I'm anxious enough about leaving him.