Postanatal Depression with Second Child

[FranTan]

Hi, this is my first post but I used to read this a lot when I was pregnant first time. My DS is 2 now and my DH and I are going to start trying to conceive soon. Thing is I'm scared. I got quite severe PND first time round and ended up in a mother and baby unit. I made a relatively quick recovery as I asked for help quickly (a previous episode of depression taught me the importance of this).

Anyway, predictably I'm scared it will happen again. I understand it might not - I believe statistically I'm 50-60% likely to get it again - but it doesn't stop me worrying. I'm naturally quite an anxious person. I had a traumatic birth last time following a difficult pregnancy (foreceps, polthydramnious, retained placenta) and lived away from family. We've subsequently moved closer to family for support. We want another baby - well we want another child - I found the whole first year tough but I don't want to go through the pain again.

I guess I'm asking if anyone else has felt this way. Did people have PND a second time and if so, how did you cope and, if not, what was different?

Looking forward to hearing other experiences x

Hi FranTan
Sorry you had such a tough time it is understandable to be nervous about the next pregnancy.
I have a daughter of 20 at uni and a son who is about to do his gcse's and had pnd after my daughter,(actually thinking about it if you feel more supported now near your family that may be the key to your success as I my depression was made apparent when I moved away from mine), and recurrences since then, so I can say even if you have it you can survive to enjoy them some days and see them thrive. I hope this makes it less scary, also I think you should consider the possibility that it will be better next time.
I wish I could say I have beaten it I haven't it has recurred from time to time but I am better at dealing with it. I don't know if this is helpful but as a long term sufferer from depression I am constantly reading material about it. From this the best advice I can give is that you should try and have mindfulness based cognitive therapy as this has proven results for the prevention of recurrenceI haven't tried it myself but it is based broadly on the idea that you learn to watch your thoughts and not identify with them,(there are books on mindfulness if you can't access it). I haven't come across anything yet that indicates that it has been used for post natal depression but if I had my time again would try this before and after birth. Pregnancy yoga and post natal mum and baby yoga might also support this,look for a good teacher, ask around( I help with a class and see that there is a degree of community that I know I would have found useful). The other thing I would say is that a major trigger for me personally is lack of sleep so make sure the whole family support you to get enough rest before the pregnancy, during it and thereafter. Sorry I know with a young family that is easier said than done but if you you make all concerned aware in advance you will feel justified it making yourself a priority, as the saying goes if you want to look after a child look after it's mother. Hope this helps, good luck.

Hi Fran

I had puperal psychosis and was in a mother and baby unit after my first child, like you I had had depression before and recognised the signs and knew I wasn't 'right'. I have gone on to have another child and thankfully it did not reoccur. I told GP even before I conceived second time I would need loads of support, saw psychotherapist and agreed an action plan, CPN visits and meds for post birth etc.

Birth of DS2 was sooo different to DS1 and I honestly felt fine, was alone at home with him 2 days after birth and although I took ADs for a long while it was only as a precaution and under doctors orders! This time I asked for help, ie people taking DS1 to school, friends picking up shopping for me and that all really helped in the first few weeks.

My thinking was as I had 'survived' the first time and recovered reasonably quickly it was worth the risk and I would be able to cope/recover if it happened again.

Hope this helps in some way, best of luck whichever way you decide x

Hi Yogaom and JoyFriday,

Thanks so much for your replies. It's comforting to read that others have experienced similar and have come out the other side. I know how common it is and that so many women suffer in silence.

I've had CBT previously and it was a remarkable help, it's perhaps something I would consider again.

The whole AD thing is a big deal and it shouldn't be. I've been on them before and also took them when I was in the M&B unit. Citalopram helped me a lot but my OH hates them. He's seen how they messed me up years ago, but that was linked with alcohol which is another story. I firmly believed they helped my recovery from PND but taking them as a precautionary measure, it's crossed my mind but doesn't sit easy with me. I think I will speak to my GP and ask to be referred to a specialist.

Strange but since seriously considering another baby, I've been getting flash backs of the horrifying experience that is PND; the scary thoughts of hurting my baby, the preoccupation with doing the "wrong thing" and the paralysing anxiety. DS is worth it of course, it was just a terrible time. I think I've made up my mind that I'm going to have another (if I'm lucky enough to conceive again) but I don't feel I can just plunge head first into it with my head in the sand, assuming it will be ok. If anything, I'm assuming it will happen again. I'll certainly use offer of help but, unfortunately it's just my Mum really as we've yet to make friends down here since moving 6 months ago.

Thanks again for your replies and I would be very interested to hear from others x

Hi Fran,

I really understand where you're coming from-I have had pretty bad PND since the birth of my DS 9 months ago. I feel like I've come a long way and benefited from CBT and ADs but it's been one of the scariest experiences of my life-terrifying at times. I now feel v passionate about the need for more support for mums with PND and have set up a self help group + told my story in the local press. I'm v open about it and have really struggled with the idea of a second baba.

A few months ago I really wouldn't have considered it as I cldn't imagine going through this again but I hope to be able to, and like you will be v honest about my concerns and asking for help way in advance.

I firmly believe PND shouldn't stand in the way of living the life we want to live but I also know how utterly scary it is to live with. Good luck and keep us updated. X

Hi Natsyloo,

Thank you for your message. What a great thing to do! I too believe passionately that PND should be spoken about more openly and that mothers should receive more support. I must say, the support I received was fantastic (save for a GP who threw a prescription at me). About a week after having DS, I knew it was more than the baby blues. I had the fear, real scary, dark thoughts and I told the midwife. She put me in touch with the mental health team and I began as an outpatient at the M&B unit. When this wasn't enough, i became an inpatient for 6 weeks. The support, therapy and AD meant I began to recover relatively quickly but I remained highly anxious for the first year. I think only in his second year did I really begin to enjoy motherhood. I certainly regarded my friends who had another baby so quickly with horror. How could they consider doing it to themselves again??!!! But not everyone experiences this, and I was quite resentful that I couldn't go with the flow like they seemed to.

I still watch DS like a hawk and the remnents of my PND seem to manifest in anxiety about his safety, health and wellbeing. But perhaps this is normal. As my Mum reminds me, you never stop worrying about your children. Providing I keep it in check and remind myself that, ultimately, i can only do my best and that I'm powerless over a lot of things, i do ok.

The responses I've received and the PND post has got me think about a lot of things, more support for those suffering is one of them. Thanks xx