Okay here goes..
A cople of days ago I totally flipped with my teenager, i asked her to take a pile of ironing up and she did but not a glass of wine off with attitude and just left it. I then burst into tears starting shouting and then threw a vase and a couple of photo frameson the floor and the smashed. I then walked out and my thoughts were to leave the family home and go somehwere for the night just for a break but seeming I had no bag nor coat or money I waited and my daughter came looking and i came home. Lately I have felt awful where i cannot be bothered to do anything pay bill, cash cheques, acknowledge letters etc.. I just cant be bothered. Nobody would say there is anything up and all my freineds think i do an amazing job and a bubbly lovely person but how wrong they are underneath.
Well thanks for reading if got so far... I live alone and have four children and a grandson whom also lives with me. We have three bedrooms and an attic room with futon. We are overcroweded and I think i have been so much. The past year my daugher aged 18 had a baby and although she is an amazing mum i find it hard all us living together. She is diabetic and played around with her insulin for the past few years to the degre where she has been in resuss fighting for her life many of time. The past six months she has been a vt- health care trainee working at the local hospital and now got a place to do peadiatric nursing so to have a baby in the middle and cope with here diabtes she has been amazing. She is loving and caring. Her son now 18 mths was born with his heart the wrong way round top and bottom cctga and in on numerous meds and is thriving but for how long who knows.. this wories me so much I think as dont like to think about it and get too attached and although that sound horrible I love him dearly nd i do help where i can but know i make her and him feel not wanted and she sleeps out at a good frineds of mine twice a week. She is getting a house in June so thats good.
Okay i have 10 year old boy too that is just brillinat and although can be demanding its his age and we try to do lots.
I also ahve a 20 year old living at home that i love but is so lazy and so untidy and she does nothing to help hardly although she will take my 2 year old to toddlers etc but expects me to pick her up after work at ten and get the two litlle ones out fo bed and lately wont do it. she is demanding and again love her to bits but she is very opionated and hardly ever goes out. she is going to uni in sept in Londaon also.
I have a two year old too after a four year realtionship, we decided he would sell his house and do my house up which we did, we had the babby very happy and he decided his son ten at the time did not want to las family so we still liove apart now but not really together at all although he is always there if need to chat. Since having our son he has developed severe rhumatoid athritus and spends every day on the sofa doing nothing and nver goes out unless he has our son which is now 2. he does not want commitmnet so i know i should just walk away. He is sweet and kins and when with him makes me happy. Some days he cannot walk.
Well really I feel i could burst into tears at any time and feel a failure. My weight is a big issue and since having our baby two years ago in have gaind 2 stone and hate it. My house i try to keep tidy but always a mess and that gets me down. I am only human and really dont know what to do next... sorry gfor the long bit above.
also othe rthings worry me like i bought a car for 16k and after 3 years the engine gone and only did 3k miles and they want 5k to fix it but i dont have the energy or time to write and fight the case as cannot be bothered.
everything feels like chore and i hate it me as I am.