Not sure what to do

[Isthreetoomany]

I am nearly 12 weeks pregnant with DC3 and, only since becoming pregnant, have been struggling to eat properly. I used to have anorexia a long time ago but have been fine for ages (and was fine throughout my first 2 pregnancies). I feel sick all day, so genuinely don't feel like eating and then I feel better because I feel in control because I haven't eaten much. I am making myself eat small meals and I am taking vitamins though.

I want my midwife/gp to know my situation, but I am finding it diificult to talk to them. At 6 weeks pregnant I went to the GP to say I was pregnant, I picked the female GP as I thought she would be easiest to talk to. But she went on and on about how it is great I am a low weight as I have a separate physical condition that gets worse in pregnancy but can be particularly bad in overweight people. She said my low weight was great at least 3 or 4 times, kept coming back to it whilst she was checking due date etc, and then I couldn't tell her about the food issues.

Then this week I had my booking appt with midwife and was resolved that I would tell her, but found when I got there that the booking was done by a student midwife, with the other midwife present. I was fazed by the fact there was two of them. Then when I told them about the separate condition that worsens in pregnancy, they talked about the condition in front of me. I didn't feel I could tell them about my ED and have them discuss that in front of me too, as if I wasn't there. The student asked me specifically if I had had an ED in the past, so it should have been easy for me to just say yes, but I said no to all the MH questions.

The midwife weighed me, and they were fine with my weight. I knew my weight would 'pass' because I was eating fine until I got pregnant.

They classed me as a high risk pregnancy due to the other underlying physical condition, and so now I see a consultant at 16 weeks. I now don't know whether to wait until 16 weeks and hope that I can see the consultant alone so I can talk to them?
But are they going to be cross with me because I said at the booking appt I had no MH issues?? I feel like I have messed up their system.

Or as my weight was ok at booking I am wondering if I am making a fuss about nothing and I should leave it now, and see if I feel better and manage to eat more normally again after my (all day) morning sickness goes?

Are you worried that you might be causing baby harm by your diet, or do you feel that it will be out of your control again if you don't tell any one? You seem to be very concerned about letting somebody know is it so they can help make sure you do eat a bit better? and that you will get the help you may need?Do you think it is important to let them know as soon as possible? Would you feel more worried if you let it drag on or if you made another appointment to tell someone sooner? I don't think that any health care professional should be cross with you for not saying anything sooner.

I do feel concerned to let someone know. I don't think I trust myself to eat properly but also I don't feel that I know enough about whether there is the potential to harm the baby through food restriction or not. I am thinking of people who have severe morning sickness (hyperimis?)who manage to have healthy babies despite their lack of food (I guess this is the idea that the baby just takes what they need so it doesn't matter that much if the mum isn't eating that well). If this is the case, it would presumably mean that I do not need to worry too much and can carry on as I am, but I just don't know if it's realistic?
Also I do not have any scales (don't keep them in the house due to past ED) so I have no way of knowing whether I am gaining or losing weight anyway. I suppose I would ideally want someone else to weigh me, and just tell me that I am/am not gaining weigh appropriately, I don't want to know what I weigh.
But on the other hand I do not want to be referred on to any mental health professional - I just want the midwife to weigh me and be aware of this issue, but I'm not sure this would be possible.
I hope you right about healthcare people not being too pissed off with me for not saying anything sooner. I guess I feel so cross with myself for being given the opportunity to say something (ffs the student midwife asked me outright had I had a previous eating disorder!) yet I just ended up making out that everything was fine!

I would tell them just to have it in your chart, especially since your mental health might go sideways postpartum and you'll want them asking the right questions to make sure you get back on track. Write up a letter to your doctor so that you don't go quiet at your next appointment. Share what's in the letter and then ask them to put it in your file.

Well done you for being so concerned, I can understand why you would just want to be told everything is ok and not the exact details. You seem to have a lot of concerns around what migh or might not happen and the idea from a13xandra about writing it all down is great, then if you don't feel you can tell them they will just have to read it.

Thank you for replying. Taking along a letter as a back up is a good idea (almost certain to need it given my track record!).
And I have now managed to convince myself that I shouldn't feel bad for effectively lying when they asked me outright, as I was so uncomfortable with the 2 of them there. Thanks again.

Glad you feel better, wish you all the best.xxx