Whats wrong with me?

[badday]

Hi. A bit shy about posting on here, so changed my name. Plus don't want dp to find it.

Went to the baby clinic today, to get my 4 month old weighed, and i just started crying when talking to the hv. She took me into another room, and talked to me. I explained that i have ups and downs. Sometimes i'm happy, but most the time, i'm feeling down in the dumps.

Can't get to sleep at night straight away as i have too much going on in my head, i'm irritable, and most things that dp does annoys me. And i have absolutely no patience with ds. I often feel like i can't cope with him, and that i'm a bad mother. And sometimes i just wish some nice person would come and take him off me for a day or so. But when they do (i.e my mum), i miss him loads and can't wait to see him.

Hv thinks that if i can get someone to take ds off me for an afternoon a week, it will do me the world of good, and that i am just missing some time to myself. However, she did tell me not to rule out PND. But to see how things go.

I'm scared now though. I can't tell my mum or dp what happened today. I will just feel like a fool who can't cope with a baby. God help me if i have another one.

Just after some words of encouragement

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal, it's a huge adjustment. Perhaps the shock has worn off or maybe you are just dog tired. You could try vitb6 and b6 it worked wonders with me when dd was about 18 months, just check its ok if you are breast feeding. There is an online pnd test I think its called the edinburgh test, have a look through the archives. Keep your chin up. You are doing a great job! You probably just need some sleep.

I meant vit b6 and magnesium

Well i scored 17. Guess thats not a good sign. Sounds stupid but i don't WANT to have pnd. I know its not a choice, but i do feel that i'm just being silly and need to pull myself together!

Dear Badday

Don't despair. I had pnd after the birth of my ds and took a long time to tell anyone how i was feeling. I crashed pretty messily when ds was 7 mths old and had been feeling increasingly isolated. Much better when got help from hv and doc. My advice would be get this sorted asap. You are NOT a bad mother/partner....it's all due to chemical imbalances which can be sorted. i urge you to talk to your doc sooner rather than later....3 yrs on I'm still struggling with my perception of myself as a parent, and am just going through the worst first trimester of my second pregnancy, with all those pnd feelings coming back again. But, with an understanding partner and medical support, I'm getting through it. Remember you're not alone and there are lots of people out there who can help.

Thanks. Still feel rubbish. Just can't stop crying. Dp wants to know whats wrong, and i can't tell him because i don't know. If he tries to talk to me, i start crying again, and my mum just thinks i'm a moody cow!

Hi again....if you can try to explain how you feel to your dp, I'm sure it would help. Do you manage to get time out to yourself. I was a single parent when I had my ds, and although I had a good support network, I kind of felt that I had to prove to everyone how well I was coping and that was part of the underlying problem...I just didn't know when to ask for help. A few hours off, just to wander around the shops, or have your hair done or a manicure would make all the difference. Even better if you can take a girlfriend with you. I've recently been trying homeopathic remedies, esp Australian bush flower essences, which are really working (even though i was more than a little bit sceptic). I know you feel rubbish at the moment, but with a little bit of tlc and understanding, you will get through this, but you have to start talking. Your dp will understand. Try to keep smiling.

Try this website for a bit of advice...
www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/facts/depressionpostnatal.htm}