Don't know if this is lowness is circumstance or depression?

[blabalalalablabla]

Today has been the shittest day so far and I just feel like running away.

I don't know if I'm starting to get depression or if its a culmination of different things going on that's starting to make me feel like I'm sinking.

Lots going on atm - work is stressful and possible redundancies ahead, dh is working 24/7 and we rarely get to see each other so I'm doing a lot of the parenting which I find stressful as I rarely get any down time at weekends etc. Just had a family suicide which has really affected me and made me feel really 'empty' is the only way to describe it. I feel like I have no feelings - does that make sense? Have stinking hayfever so am doubling up on anti-histimines as I'm waking up in the night with a chronically itchy throat - am really short tempered and v grumpy as so bloody itchy.

Today dd was a nightmare - told me she hated me and I just wanted to run away and thought about ending it all - I wouldn't ever do it - but it just seemed so appealing not to have to deal with all this shit.

I know that in the cold light of day I am very lucky - have a happy healthy child and to the external world have what would appear to be a happy life - but I just feel like I'm sinking.

Oh blabla, it's difficult to know whether you are stressed through life events at the moment, or are becoming depressed. Feeling "empty" is one of my symptoms of depression when I am having bad days. But then again this could be a reaction to the family member's suicide.

Wanting to run away and ending it all sound very much like depression to me, but I am no medic and cannot diagnose. Your best plan I think is to visit your GP (a sympathetic one if you can) and explain how you have been feeling. Most of them have a sort of checklist and ask you about the main symptoms of depression, and ask whether you feel this sympton every day, most days, never (or something similar to this) then they add up your score and decide whether you are depressed and if so is it mild, moderate or severe. It is a bit of a blunt instrument but I think these kind of computerised checklists are used for more and more illnesses.

You might be offered an anti-depressant (probably a low dose) to begin. If so I do advise you to take them, as they really do help. They are not magic bullets but do ease the worst of the symptoms. It sounds like you could do with some counselling especially over the suicide in the family.

Don't be worried about visiting the GP - 1 in 4 people will get mental illness at some stage in their lives and you will not be telling the GP anything he/she has not heard dozens and dozens of times before.

Take care and keep posting - there is a lot of support on this MH thread.

If you feel you are sinking its time to ask for help either through the local health visiting team (not sure how old your children are?) or through the GP. You may not have to take AD's right away but if the stress is relentless or you are feeling that there is no way out the AD's will help you.

Thank you - I do feel a little better today although had to physically run away from the house as I was feeling like my head was going to explode - cried uncontrollably at my dh for about an hour which then left me with a stinking headache - better out than in though...

I think the suicide is affecting me quite a bit - it's the second one in the family so is dredging up lots of old feelings that have probably been hidden for some time.

I've taken ad's before and they have helped - I've had counselling in the past which has really helped for different issues so might consider this again.

Will try and get to the docs some time this week

Thank you for your posts

blabla - glad you feel a little better but to be honest having to run away from your house (feeling you head was going to explode) and crying unc ontrollably (all of which I totally understand) does suggest that if this is a "better day" you really do urgently need to see a sympathetic GP. You say you have taken ADs before and they helped, and counselling, so it seems that you need to go down the same route again.

Do hope you will look after yourself and make a GP appt this week.

Thanks NanaNina - have made an appt for friday - the earliest they could do.
Its with a nice GP too so am feeling positive about it.
Had a chat with my mum earlier as well so lots of support from her.