Just a small thing really..

[MittzyTheMinx]

Have been on and off MH board and have been having Counselling and on AD's for 2 yrs.
I think I am doing quite well.

Some of issues are linked to childhood abuse and a sexual assault when I was about 8, among other things.

DS has a friend with exactly the same name as one of the individuals that was involved in the worst sexual assault and it is awful.

He is not a close friend of DS's and his name doesn't come up daily, but often enough to keep triggering something that I am trying really hard to deal with. It is like I have no choice about when I have the memories triggered. Even in my own home. It feels crap. And I worry that it means he is related to the man and possibly lives near me. I wish he'd just fall off the pplanet. (the man not the boy)

I am having nightmare really badly and last night dreamt that the man's sister was in my house and the panic was horrible.

It is not fair.

Sorry you feel like that xx

I know what you mean - one of the keyboard players in the band I play with looks awfully like my abuser. And the bandleader does this stupid thing of making us all hold hands and say the Grace after practice. And I just cannot hold his hand, I need to avoid ending up next to him. I'm lucky that a good (male) friend is the sound engineer in the same band and usually finds a way of stepping in between to avoid the situation.

Such a silly little thing but it just stops me from controlling the thoughts in my head when I need to. I don't know if that makes sense. I haven't quite finished going through it all in counselling so don't feel capable of pushing back what it triggers.
I try.
Tell myself it is just a boy, just a name and then sometimes it is like a bubble rising through syrup and I can't get on top of it.

Thank you madmouse xx

yes I get the it stops you controlling the thoughts in your head bit totally.