my behaviour with my kids is appalling.please help.

[mollyt]

I lose the plot with both of my little girls (2 and 4)almost every day - the red mist decends and before I know it I am literally screaming at them. I then spend the rest of the day feeling very shakey,my blood pressure is through the roof, slightly blurry vision and very guilty .
I think I need help with anger management - I have very little patience despite how hard I try and vow most evenings and mornings to be a nice mummy.
I find both girls whiney, demanding and difficult and every single thing is a huge battle - hair,teeth ,shoes,breakfast etcetc is a nightmare.They are not good sleepers (never have been) so we are all permanantly knackered.

I really am hanging in there and just wanting to fast forward a couple of years which I know I'll kick myself for.
I really feel very lost and alone with this and need outside help.
my partner and GP are both fab but can't be there 24/7 - I take a/d's.
Any supportive comments /suggestions welcome.

have you had a full medical assessment for the BP/shakiness and blurred vision?

when did you start a/ds and why?

Do you think you are taking the right AD's for you?

been on and off them for 20 years re depression blinks

I can't comment on the ADs but I do have a 4 and 18 month old and I fight the same battles as you. I am also permanently tired although mine do sleep pretty well. I think they pick up on it. if you are feeling it all building up DD1 certainly knows how to push my buttons.

I recently have tried. Whispering instead of shouting- this helped as DD1 said instantly 'why are you whispering mummy?' and i said because i need you to listen. It worked that time.

I also say mummy's going away (safely) and walk out the room and get dressed or pur washing away etc. This makes the older one snap out of the behaviour.

At the moment driving in the car is my biggest nightmare. I have low level moaning from Dd2 ( ususally because she can't reach something) and scat singing from DD1 probably to drown out the moaning. I grit my teeth a lot in the car!

Hi Molly - sorry to hear you are feeling so crap. I have terrible rage too and mine are same age as yours - also terrible sleepers.

What I did (and it seems to be working most of the time) is get them both to make a reward chart from some cardboard - get them to add stickers, glitter glue, paint, drawing etc etc- laminate it. I use whiteboard pens and give them smiley faces or sad faces depending on their behaviour. I count up all the smiley faces at the end of the week and at the end 2 weeks (DH works away so when he gets home) I add them up and if they have enough they get a treat eg - trip out or toy/dvd etc. They get quite involved and cry if they get a sad face and as I mark in the face in front of them they feel included IYKWIM.
My 2 year old DS wil be 3 in a few months so knows what it is all about - may depend on your 2 year olds comprehension whether it works or not. usually they want to copy their older sibling.

On theirs I have:
Eat Lunch
Eat Dinner
Tidy Up
Sleep in own bed
Up too early
Cheekometer

May sound daft but it works most of the time and anything is worth a try surely? I also bribe them with extra smiley faces added for specific things.

HTH

thankyou - i am going to give that a whirl with my two -cardboard at the ready.wish mel uck

Good luck - I put mine on the kitchen door so I remember to fill them in and they can see them