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Thoughts or advice, please?

4 replies

littlebitstuck · 12/04/2011 14:19

I've namechanged; don't think anyone would really know me but thought it would be nice to start afresh. I'm hoping that having some objective opinions will help me give some clarity.

My lovely DH and I have been together for over five years and would both love to have a baby. We have a nice home, security and family life has always been our main goal. On paper, everything looks good I suppose.

The thing holding us back is my anxiety. A fear I have that I won't be a good parent because I can't do everything that other mothers can. I've had anxiety problems in varying degrees for ten years. At the moment I suppose I'm mildly agoraphobic, able to get out and about in the local area but trying to extend the boundaries within which I feel safe and secure. I have seen a psychologist. I explained to her my entire story and why I believe it started etc, and what I was doing now. She didn't really think there was any services in the PCT that would be of use as I was 'not the usual kind of patient' she saw. She also didn't think I required medication. I came away from that appointment happy that perhaps I wasn't seen as a 'severe' case but unsure of what my next steps would be.

I realise there could be the argument of 'If you're asking whether you're ready, maybe you're not' but sometimes I think that maybe life is too short to wait for the elusive 'perfect time' that may not even come. And don't babies just really need love, which we have in abundance?

Sorry this was long, would love to hear your thoughts and experiences, especially if anyone else has been in a similar position. Thanks ladies.

OP posts:
RockLover · 12/04/2011 16:41

I don't think that being mildly agoraphobic should stop you from having a baby. You say you can get out and about in the local area, well that's all a baby needs for the first years of it's life, just local baby groups, play park, nice walks, local nursery/school etc.

I know you can take meds for anxiety because I have, I was on Citalopram and it helped my anxiety alot (just about to ask to start them again), but I would think CBT would ber best for you. Agoraphobia is treatable with exposure therapy (encompassed within CBT, basically challenging your thought and behaviour patterns), which is what you are already doing by trying to extend the boundaries of your comfort zone.

There is never the perfect time to have a baby and you sound like you'd be a super mum, so don't hesitate I say. :)

littlebitstuck · 12/04/2011 17:03

Thank you, RockLover. Before I saw the psychologist my GP did suggest Citalopram as an option for me but I know that it's a commitment and can have some bad side effects, so that's what put me off really. I hope it goes well for you when you start taking your next course.

I hadn't thought of looking for a CBT practitioner privately, but having done a quick Google I have found an experienced practitioner locally, so I might well contact him for a chat and see where it leads. :)

OP posts:
SnotandBothered · 12/04/2011 18:43

I was about to say CBT as well.

It sounds to me that you would make an excellent parent. You would not be so concerned with whether you would make a good parent otherwise :)

CBT then TTC would be my suggestion.

Good luck

littlebitstuck · 13/04/2011 11:26

Thank you, SnotandBothered (great name!)

Just got to work up the courage to call I think and see if he seems like the right person for me to work with!

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