Confused and a little lonely :(

[PostBlue]

Hi all,

I'm a mum of 2 (1 boy aged 2, 1 girl aged 11 months)and have mental health issues. I have been suffering from anxiety and depression since i was 14 or 15 (I'm nearly 25 now) and have recently been given a possible diagnosis of bipolar (but with hypomania not full blown). Am just finding the whole thing exhausting, confusing and feeling very alone. i have a lovely supportive partner but don't want to burden him too much if you know what i mean. Sometimes its a struggle to get out of bed and look after my kids, and that makes me ashamed of myself as a mum. Anyone else have similar experiences or anything? :(

xBluex

Hi Blue

You have my every sympathy - blimey, two kids under three!

Seriously, it can be such a shock to have the diagnosis - bipolar sounds so much more serious than depression, doesn't it? My brother has bipolar; his diagnosis sent shockwaves right round the family. It's not your fault, you can't help it or pull yourself together - you are (I'm sure) the best Mum you can be in the circumstances.

Have they discussed treatment options with you yet? Don't be afraid to invest in your own 'well-ness'; good diet, plenty of sleep (ho-ho with 2 LO's). It is manageable. FWIW, my brother is a great Dad, and hasn't had a serious episode for about 4 years now.

Thanks for replying balia :)
Yeah it was a bit of a shock. It just sounds so... I dunno.
Treatment options sound nasty (lithium, carbemazepine, sodium valproate & lamotrigine have been suggested), well, it's the side-effects that concern me the most am currently on ads and have been prescribed sleeping tabs as I don't sleep well but don't like the idea of knocking myself out! I have this bizarre fear that i just wont wake up

What bothers me the most is that my mood is so unpredictable (sometimes from hr to hr). It's exhausting been ruled by my moods all the time. Soemtimes I feel great and that's wonderful, i feel like i'm ok as a mum then and as a partner. But other times I feel so depressed that I get no enjoyment from anything (Am ashamed to say this but I don't even get enjoyment from the little ones when i feel like this ) It makes me feel like a failure as a mother and like my partner and kids would be better off if I just left :(

Try not to be too freaked out by the treatments - my brother has had various meds and started out on Lithium (he was very bad when he was first diagnosed) The initial side effects seem to wear off pretty quick (6 weeks?) He did gain weight, though, but then he ate like a horse and was very physically active before, so he did balloon a bit. Your doc will tell you to watch your diet, take it seriously. Low dose is much easier to manage.

Sleep really is crucial, please give the sleeping tablets a try.

Remember the illness isn't you - would you be as ashamed/feel like a failure if you had a visible, physical illness? (god forbid, obviously). It is something you can, and will, work through. Don't let anyone tell you that you are a danger to your kids or that they would be better off without you.

Perhaps this site would help? forums.about.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?nav=messages&webtag=ab-bipolar

Also - if you are cycling very fast you might want to find out about cylothymia? And keep a track of your moods (there is a moodtracker site that you can do it electronically on.)