Please help me, I have no idea what I am doing

[emilyishere]

Please can I have perspective on things: I really don't know why I am here. I tried to kill myself years ago, and I don't have any clue as to what the point is of being here.

I live for the children. But that's not enough.

So, please tell me: why am I here? What is it all for?

What I am really asking is, to have MN views on what you think life is about. So that I kinow what my life is about. Because I just don't know.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense.

You are important and you matter in the world, you are the center of your children' s universe and you have your own self worth. You sound like you are struggling and I am so sorry you feel like this. Are you getting any support or help?

emilyishere - can you say a little more about your situation - it sounds like you could be depressed. You ask MN views on what life is about..........coo that's a BIG question and I am sure many many people have different ideas of what life is about. You want to compare what people say so that you know what your life is about. Sorry but I really don't think this is the way to go. I think you will get more responses if you are able to tell us why you feel like this and what other symptoms you are having.

I am important and I matter - I don't feel that way. Yes I am the centre of the childrens universe, and that helps a lot.

Some background: had a childhood full of neglect and it was clear I wasn't wanted. Was suicidal from the age of 16 when my mum turned her back on me. My friend tragically did commit suicide just when I was at my lowest and I was ready to go too, but instead I had a nervous breakdown as I realised suicide was too painful for family/friends.

Recently I opened up this subject with my therapist, and I have started to examine my feelings. When she asked me to commit to never killing myself, I felt such a panic, I can't commit to this. I am not suicidal now. Life actually feels calm and nice, but I am very frightened that this lovely calm feeling will end, that something will happen to throw me into a dark place and then I will not face living.

I have only felt that life has calmed down, and I have only started to feel better recently, with lots (2 years) of therapy.

Although I say I am not suicidal, I believe that where my friend has gone is a loving peaceful place and that's what I want. I want to be surrounded by love and peace.

I have a loving dh, two wonderful children but I also have lots of challenges and worries.